We aren't really close anymore,
But then again, were we ever?
I told you my secrets
And I let you in,
But you only got to know the little things
So, were we close?
Or, was it just the big things
That held us together,
And all the small things that let us fall apart?
K.B.G
I immerse myself in either reading, or writing while I go through my Cancer treatments. Some of the treatments take hours. It can become very lonely, not to mention, depressing. Luckily, I have found an outlet during my breaks. I'm so grateful that I am a "chit-chatty" type of person which allows me the ability to talk to almost anyone. I have also been told by many of my elderly friends that I have an old soul, a smile that brings cheer to even the darkest of days, and a sense of humor that can make, even those whom are not incontinent, pee their pants! Ha! I adore them all so very much!
But then again, were we ever?
I told you my secrets
And I let you in,
But you only got to know the little things
So, were we close?
Or, was it just the big things
That held us together,
And all the small things that let us fall apart?
K.B.G
I immerse myself in either reading, or writing while I go through my Cancer treatments. Some of the treatments take hours. It can become very lonely, not to mention, depressing. Luckily, I have found an outlet during my breaks. I'm so grateful that I am a "chit-chatty" type of person which allows me the ability to talk to almost anyone. I have also been told by many of my elderly friends that I have an old soul, a smile that brings cheer to even the darkest of days, and a sense of humor that can make, even those whom are not incontinent, pee their pants! Ha! I adore them all so very much!
I side-tracked there a bit, sorry. Getting back to the quote. I read all sorts of book, magazines, periodicals, and news stories during my treatments. I have come across this passage a lot lately. It has stuck in my head. I can't seem to shake it. The words have truly resonated with me. I have come to a few conclusions why these words are repeating in my head.
How many of our friends and family members do we "honestly" know. There are many people, including myself, that never disclose all of our thoughts and feelings. I assume most people do not want to expose themselves to that type of vulnerability. I most certainly understand that, but by keeping our feelings and frustrations to ourselves we are only hurting ourselves in the long run. Having a "true" relationship with someone relies on trust and not judging one another. Without such support, that void inside of us continues filling with painful thoughts, anxious behavior, nauseating fear, and an extreme depth of emptiness.
This quote reminds me to plunge deeper into my emotions within myself, and with those around me. I hope my loved ones can find the strength to divulge their most intimate thoughts and feelings to whomever they seem fit. Expressing our emotions are the way we, as humans, can cleanse our bodies and souls. We can take huge steps away from our pasts and towards a successful future.
As I reflect on this quote the last line hits home.
"Was it just the big things in life that held us together, or the small things that let us fall apart"?
Focusing on the "big things", or "superficial flaws" only provides a temporary band-aid over our wounds. The "small things" run deeper. These injuries are emotional. They require more than a band-aid. These feelings will take a long time to heal, and will leave an everlasting scar. The scars, flaws and imperfections are constant reminders of the unbearable pain we endured, which resulted in our "battle wounds". With the help of those we trust and feel safe with we can reverse the process before causing larger scars. Whether it be a family member, a friend, or a complete stranger, let your words and feelings be heard. No one owes you support or comfort, but by voicing what is going on inside of you the pain can begin to subside, the heavy burden can lighten, and we can find our much needed closure.
Cancer has taken away so many things I love, but it has opened up a new "chapter" in my life. I have never felt so connected to all my emotions. I was content with pushing down the agony growing inside of me. "Ignorance is bliss", right? I refuse to live that way any longer. I am forced to acknowledge my short-comings and review all the evidence, as to, locate the source of my pain, sadness, and depression.
I have also been able to help the ones I love explore their emotions. I am connected with my peers, and many others on a level that most people are unconsciously unaware off. This may sound entirely unreasonable and foreign to many people, but I believe that I do not have any acquaintances. It doesn't matter if I talk to a person for 10 minutes, or ten years. Each person has made an impact on my life. We all write our own "life stories", but what excites me most is the imprint I may have left on someone else's life just by listening. Taking the time, not only, to express and listen to the "big things" in life, but also taking stock in the "small things". The resolve could be closer that we know. You and I could be that extra push to help achieve clarity. Along with clarity, we are apt to "pay it forward" after seeing what a difference listening and/or a small gesture can make in a person's life.
On another note, most of you know I recently turned 30. My blog website is currently: midtwentiescancerpaient.blogsot.com
I started this blog in my mid-twenties without thinking I could/would be continuing this fight for my life.
So, should I change the name of internet domain, so should I keep it? Thoughts?
Also, any suggestions for a new domain name?
Thank you!
