Today I was reminiscing about the time I have spent in the hospital. I made a crazy realization. I have learned more about life from the people I have encountered than I ever learned at any type of school. I come across such a wide range of people. I hear amazing stories about from people's history, and I learn many things about our present era. I have friends that vary in ages from 94 to 6 years. Each one of them has taught me something new. My elderly friends love to talk about "the good ole days", and my younger friends teach me so much about what's going on in the world today. They also help me to live my life with a more carefree attitude, and with a childlike innocence.
Unfortunately I didn't get to spend much time with my grandparents before they passed away. I never knew my mom's dad, or my dad's mom. My dad's dad passed away when I was a child. I got to spend the most time with my mom's mom, but she left far this Earth far too soon. I had incredible connections with the grandpa and grandma that I did know. I always loved listening to their stories of when they were growing up. It was a completely different lifestyle for them compared to how I grew up. I learned so much about our country's history than I ever could have in school.
There are a group of men who often have treatments the same time that I do. I am so excited to see them every time they are at the hospital. They enjoy swapping war stories, and childhood memories. They talk about those times with such passion. It is a delight to listen to. I could sit with them all day. They reminisce about how different things were back then, and laugh about experiences they had during their youth, as well as, during their middle age. I sit with them in awe of their stories and ask all kinds of questions about the past. Chatting with them is so much fun, not to mention informative.
The comment I continually get from the elderly patients is that I have an "old soul". They tell me about how their grandchildren could care less about hearing about their pasts. They are too wrapped up in whatever they are doing, whether it is on their phones, or computers. They don't take the time to listen to what they have to say. I am completely different. I don't even have my devices out when I'm spending time with my friends. I want them to know that they have my full attention at all times. Like I said, I enjoy listening to the stories so much that I don't want to be distracted.
It's not only my fellow elderly patients that tell me I have an "old soul". My former boss used to tell me that all of the time. Many of my nurses and doctors tell me the same thing. They often tell me that I look like a 16 year old girl, but when I start talking I turn into an 80 year old woman. I can't help but laugh when I hear that. First, I don't think I look I am 16 years old, and second, I don't realize that I sound so old. I think it is a result of the strange life I have been living the past 10 years. I haven't lived a normal life. I am around more elderly people than younger people. When I am around younger people, they are usually very young. In that situation I take on a parent type roll. I am rarely around people the same age as me.
I feel so fortunate to be able to spend so much time around such enlightening company. I feel that it is easier from people of my generation to get wrapped up in technology and not enjoy the simple things in life. We grew up in such a booming technology era. Using these things come second nature to us. I am glad that I can step away from it all for a while each day. I love the connections I make with my friends and family each day. I don't think I would appreciate the people in my life, or the day-to-day experiences I encounter if I always stayed "connected" to my technological devices.
I used to think it was weird how many people told me that I have an "old soul". I now view it as the most wonderful compliment I could ever receive. I wouldn't want to have any other type of soul!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Fight for yourself
I have learned a lot about my rights as a patient over the past ten years. I remember when I first started having health issues. I freaked out every time I had to go to the hospital, or doctor. I hated everything having to do with my healthcare. When I was around doctors I accepted all of the information they gave me without asking questions. I always felt like I was bothering the doctors/nurses by asking questions, and learning more about my conditions. Doctors always seemed so rushed, so I didn't want to take up more time than necessary. I also had my parents around to ask all of the tough questions. They would relay the information onto me.
I no longer take what doctors tell me at face value. They tend to tell people the bare minimum. That is not acceptable in my book. I want to know every detail when it comes to what's going on inside of me. I'm not satisfied until I feel comfortable with my diagnoses. My parents are all the way in Wisconsin, so I can no longer bank on them asking the questions that I don't. I have been forced to take charge of my healthcare. Jeff obviously has to work, so he is unable to accompany me to all of my doctor's appointments. I have to do the research and not be afraid of taking the time I need with doctors/nurses to fully understand my current situation.
After every diagnosis I take the time to do my research. I have learned of many trusted websites, and I ask for print-outs of the description and side effects of my conditions. Without my health I have nothing. I want to know everything that I will be going through, as well as, what I can do to improve my situation.
I know there are many people out there who are frustrated with their current healthcare, like I was. The best advice I could give to anyone is to take control of their health. No matter if it may be something as simple as a cold, or something as evasive as cancer. Ask whatever questions you may have to doctors/nurses and pharmacists. They went to school in order to help people stay healthy. They are around to help make everyone person's healthcare as successful as possible. Use the resources that are available to you.
I am, in no way, trying to sound like I am preaching to anyone. You have the right to choose the way you handle your healthcare, and the way you live your lives. All I know is that I wish I was more confident and more in control of my health from the start. I'm so thankful I discovered my confidence before it was too late. I will never stop asking questions in order to better my quality of life!
I no longer take what doctors tell me at face value. They tend to tell people the bare minimum. That is not acceptable in my book. I want to know every detail when it comes to what's going on inside of me. I'm not satisfied until I feel comfortable with my diagnoses. My parents are all the way in Wisconsin, so I can no longer bank on them asking the questions that I don't. I have been forced to take charge of my healthcare. Jeff obviously has to work, so he is unable to accompany me to all of my doctor's appointments. I have to do the research and not be afraid of taking the time I need with doctors/nurses to fully understand my current situation.
After every diagnosis I take the time to do my research. I have learned of many trusted websites, and I ask for print-outs of the description and side effects of my conditions. Without my health I have nothing. I want to know everything that I will be going through, as well as, what I can do to improve my situation.
I know there are many people out there who are frustrated with their current healthcare, like I was. The best advice I could give to anyone is to take control of their health. No matter if it may be something as simple as a cold, or something as evasive as cancer. Ask whatever questions you may have to doctors/nurses and pharmacists. They went to school in order to help people stay healthy. They are around to help make everyone person's healthcare as successful as possible. Use the resources that are available to you.
I am, in no way, trying to sound like I am preaching to anyone. You have the right to choose the way you handle your healthcare, and the way you live your lives. All I know is that I wish I was more confident and more in control of my health from the start. I'm so thankful I discovered my confidence before it was too late. I will never stop asking questions in order to better my quality of life!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Change
I used to be terrified of change. I was much more comfortable having a routine, and knowing how each day was going to go (for the most part). I planned as much as my life I could. I didn't mind surprises, but I preferred knowing what was going to happen day-to-day. I know that we cannot plan our entire lives, but I tried my hardest to plan it all.
I now know that it was ridiculous trying to organize every detail in my life. Life is full of surprises, and unplanned events. They are what make life interesting. The first time I truly embraced change was when I decided to move to Arizona. I had no clue what I was getting myself into. My fiance had just passed away, I had never seen the place I was going to live, and I had a job with a crazy schedule. I could no long avoid change. I was about to turn my life upside down. I experienced many difficult times during my first year in Arizona, but I also learned a lot about myself, and life in general.
I moved 4 times in 10 months, I went through 3 jobs, and I found it very hard to make connections with new friends. I was totally a "fish out of water". There were many times I wanted to give up and move back to Wisconsin. I had people I could rely on in Wisconsin, people I could depend on. I was all alone in Arizona. The only person I could rely on was myself. I didn't think I was strong enough to get through the terrible times I was going through.
After being forced to move for the fourth time and struggling with my finances I decided to go for a drive. I thought it might clear my head. As I was driving around I started to have a panic attack, and was crying so hard I had to park. I drove into a Kohl's parking lot where I had a complete meltdown! I was ready to go back to my apartment, clean out the place, and drive back home. I was at my wits end. As I was crying my eyes out in the parking lot the song "Fighter" by Christina Aguliera came on the radio. I was inspired by the words in the song. I knew I could not give up. I needed to make the necessary changes to better my situation.
I wiped my eyes, and drove back to my apartment. When I arrived home, I immediately got on my computer and started to look for places to live. I found a posting from a girl looking for a roommate. I emailed her, and two days later I was moving in. The move was just what I needed! Living with a girl around my age, and someone who was very familiar with the area helped my push through my tough time. She was born and raised in Arizona, so she showed me a lot of cool areas, and provided me with a lot of information. Her knowledge and positive energy motivated me to get back on my feet, and I started enjoying Arizona. Within a week I landed a new job, and made some new friends. I was really starting to like Arizona, as well as, feeling like I made the right decision to move.
I was feeling better in so many ways. I had a wonderful job, a nice place to live and a group of new friends I hung out with regularly. I even felt like was ready to start dating. After a couple months I was introduced to Jeff. I definitely hit the jackpot finding him. We began seeing a lot of each other. I knew pretty soon into our relationship that he was "the one". I had never felt as loved as I did with Jeff. He treated me better than any boyfriend ever had before. I loved him like never I loved before.
Within two months of dating Jeff I was hit was the shocking news that I had cancer. I thought for sure Jeff would break up with me. Our relationship was still new. I would have understood if he wanted to leave me. I knew I would be going through a lot regarding my health. I didn't want to become a burden to him. After finally starting to enjoy Arizona, I thought I would have to leave in order to have people around that I knew could help me through my cancer struggles. I was shocked when Jeff told me he wanted to continue our relationship. I was reassured that this guy was one of a kind. I knew this was the man I was going to marry.
Here we are a year and a half into marriage, and I couldn't be happier. My treatments, and my health in general make for a lot of uncertainty in my life. I don't think I would be able to handle all of the sporadic events in my life if it wasn't for the struggles I went through during my first year in Arizona. I try to take all of the changes in life with stride. I now know that change can be very good, and it spices up life.
Not having a daily routine used to scare me, but I have become accustom to all of the ups and downs life throws at me. In fact, going through life as a cancer patient has strengthened me in so many ways. Not only am I embracing all of the changes in life, I have become much more introspective, as well as, retrospective. I do not dwell on the past, but I try to learn from it. I look back at the person I used to be, and the person I am today. I have changed in so many ways. I feel that I have grown up in many ways since moving to Arizona.
Along with sticking to a routine I set for my life, I was a very selfish person. I put myself first, and didn't appreciate the people around me as much as I do now. I have realized that life doesn't need to be planned every step of the way. The unknown isn't as scary as it used to be. I am living for the moment, not organizing my life for the future. I enjoy all of the little surprises life throws my way. I believe that with every bad comes a good. I am determined to continue living by that mantra.
I don't regret my past, but I have learned so much from person I used to be to the person I am today. I also know what kind of person I want to be in the future. Even though I am struggling with cancer treatments, and my life is full of craziness, I love it! I have been given the opportunity to slow down, and truly appreciate life. Jeff and I live a simple life, but it is filled with so much love and happiness! I have gotten the chance to know myself as an adult. The core of the person I am hasn't changed, but I feel I am a completely different person today than before. It amazes me when I think back at how the experiences in my life have made me into a new Meg. I feel stronger than ever before.
I think it is hard for many of us to stop and enjoy the little things in life. Life is hectic, and full of change. I hope we can all learn to slow down in order to love with all our hearts, live life to the fullest, and make ourselves into the best person we can be. I know I'm going to try and be the best Meg I can be!
I now know that it was ridiculous trying to organize every detail in my life. Life is full of surprises, and unplanned events. They are what make life interesting. The first time I truly embraced change was when I decided to move to Arizona. I had no clue what I was getting myself into. My fiance had just passed away, I had never seen the place I was going to live, and I had a job with a crazy schedule. I could no long avoid change. I was about to turn my life upside down. I experienced many difficult times during my first year in Arizona, but I also learned a lot about myself, and life in general.
I moved 4 times in 10 months, I went through 3 jobs, and I found it very hard to make connections with new friends. I was totally a "fish out of water". There were many times I wanted to give up and move back to Wisconsin. I had people I could rely on in Wisconsin, people I could depend on. I was all alone in Arizona. The only person I could rely on was myself. I didn't think I was strong enough to get through the terrible times I was going through.
After being forced to move for the fourth time and struggling with my finances I decided to go for a drive. I thought it might clear my head. As I was driving around I started to have a panic attack, and was crying so hard I had to park. I drove into a Kohl's parking lot where I had a complete meltdown! I was ready to go back to my apartment, clean out the place, and drive back home. I was at my wits end. As I was crying my eyes out in the parking lot the song "Fighter" by Christina Aguliera came on the radio. I was inspired by the words in the song. I knew I could not give up. I needed to make the necessary changes to better my situation.
I wiped my eyes, and drove back to my apartment. When I arrived home, I immediately got on my computer and started to look for places to live. I found a posting from a girl looking for a roommate. I emailed her, and two days later I was moving in. The move was just what I needed! Living with a girl around my age, and someone who was very familiar with the area helped my push through my tough time. She was born and raised in Arizona, so she showed me a lot of cool areas, and provided me with a lot of information. Her knowledge and positive energy motivated me to get back on my feet, and I started enjoying Arizona. Within a week I landed a new job, and made some new friends. I was really starting to like Arizona, as well as, feeling like I made the right decision to move.
I was feeling better in so many ways. I had a wonderful job, a nice place to live and a group of new friends I hung out with regularly. I even felt like was ready to start dating. After a couple months I was introduced to Jeff. I definitely hit the jackpot finding him. We began seeing a lot of each other. I knew pretty soon into our relationship that he was "the one". I had never felt as loved as I did with Jeff. He treated me better than any boyfriend ever had before. I loved him like never I loved before.
Within two months of dating Jeff I was hit was the shocking news that I had cancer. I thought for sure Jeff would break up with me. Our relationship was still new. I would have understood if he wanted to leave me. I knew I would be going through a lot regarding my health. I didn't want to become a burden to him. After finally starting to enjoy Arizona, I thought I would have to leave in order to have people around that I knew could help me through my cancer struggles. I was shocked when Jeff told me he wanted to continue our relationship. I was reassured that this guy was one of a kind. I knew this was the man I was going to marry.
Here we are a year and a half into marriage, and I couldn't be happier. My treatments, and my health in general make for a lot of uncertainty in my life. I don't think I would be able to handle all of the sporadic events in my life if it wasn't for the struggles I went through during my first year in Arizona. I try to take all of the changes in life with stride. I now know that change can be very good, and it spices up life.
Not having a daily routine used to scare me, but I have become accustom to all of the ups and downs life throws at me. In fact, going through life as a cancer patient has strengthened me in so many ways. Not only am I embracing all of the changes in life, I have become much more introspective, as well as, retrospective. I do not dwell on the past, but I try to learn from it. I look back at the person I used to be, and the person I am today. I have changed in so many ways. I feel that I have grown up in many ways since moving to Arizona.
Along with sticking to a routine I set for my life, I was a very selfish person. I put myself first, and didn't appreciate the people around me as much as I do now. I have realized that life doesn't need to be planned every step of the way. The unknown isn't as scary as it used to be. I am living for the moment, not organizing my life for the future. I enjoy all of the little surprises life throws my way. I believe that with every bad comes a good. I am determined to continue living by that mantra.
I don't regret my past, but I have learned so much from person I used to be to the person I am today. I also know what kind of person I want to be in the future. Even though I am struggling with cancer treatments, and my life is full of craziness, I love it! I have been given the opportunity to slow down, and truly appreciate life. Jeff and I live a simple life, but it is filled with so much love and happiness! I have gotten the chance to know myself as an adult. The core of the person I am hasn't changed, but I feel I am a completely different person today than before. It amazes me when I think back at how the experiences in my life have made me into a new Meg. I feel stronger than ever before.
I think it is hard for many of us to stop and enjoy the little things in life. Life is hectic, and full of change. I hope we can all learn to slow down in order to love with all our hearts, live life to the fullest, and make ourselves into the best person we can be. I know I'm going to try and be the best Meg I can be!
Friday, March 2, 2012
Blessing in disguise
It sounds so strange to say this, but I feel lucky to have been diagnosed with cancer. Crazy right?!? Don't get me wrong, I wish I didn't have to go through all of the struggles that come with a cancer diagnosis. I also wish I wasn't such a burden on my family and friends. My diagnosis has opened my eyes to so many things, and has made me appreciate the little things in life.
I am unable to work because of my strenuous treatments, and the unpredictability of my health. In turn, Jeff and I only have one income to live off of. His paycheck goes to bills and necessities. We have also had to reach out to family and friends for financial help. Our families are so generous and so many people donated to my cancer benefit. I am forever grateful for all of the amazing friends and family, as well as, the people I don't even know that participated in the benefit. The outcome was unbelievable and incredibly helpful. I cannot thank everyone enough!
Being on such a tight budget has been a struggle, but it has opened up a whole new world to me. I used to go out all the time, and spend money frivolously. That is no longer an option. I have had to learn an entirely new lifestyle. I am not complaining. I am fortunate for all of the things I have, and I try to no longer take anything for granted. With any extra money we do have, Jeff and I spend it on things like music and movies. I enjoy downloading different types of music and watching movies from all genres. I have really enjoyed exploring classic music, such as artists like Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, and Louis Armstrong. I also have fun with the music from 80's hairbands. I totally rock out while I'm in the shower, or while I'm cleaning our apartment. Along with divulging into new music, I enjoy watching old movies and foreign films. I really appreciate the artistry behind them, and learn so much from them.
The activity I have love the most is plunging into writing. I have always had a passion for writing, but never had the confidence to let anyone read anything I've written. I no longer worry about the criticism I may get. I am doing this for me. It is very therapeutic, and I'm having fun learn new types of writing. I also feel it is the best way for me to express myself. Most of the time I am a very out-going person, but I can get very shy at times.
Along with making the most of my time alone, I am surrounding myself with good company. I love having good conversations. I can talk to some people for hours. Whether it's hours or minutes, I fully embrace the time I share with the people in my life. Life is too short not too. There is nothing I enjoy more than being with friends and family. My husband and I make sure take time every night just to talk. We talk about anything and everything. We turn off any distractions, and just enjoy being together. Some nights we talk into the early hours of the morning. I always feel bad when Jeff doesn't get much sleep, but I wouldn't trade our conversations for anything. These conversations make our relationship and marriage stronger. We are so disgustingly in love, but I wouldn't want it any other way! He makes me so happy! I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have found such an amazing man!
When I first got my diagnosis, I felt like I was being punished. I felt like I was cursed to have health problems for the rest of my life. I know that I will have health struggles as long as I live, but I no longer consider my life to be cursed. As my good buddy Jake always says, "it takes too much energy to be negative all the time". I completely agree. I have to stay positive if I want to get through all of this. I want to always appreciate the wonderful things I have in my life. I try to always have a smile on my face, but I also let myself cry and be angry when I need to. I allow myself to feel every emotion that comes to me, but I don't allow myself to dwell on them. I have learned to work through all of my emotions, and reach out to people when I need help with the difficulties life throws at me.
I wish I didn't have to live with cancer, but I am no longer letting cancer define me. I feel that I am stronger than my cancer. I can beat this. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean I don't have days that I doubt that I can win this battle. I can promise that I will continue to stay as positive as possible through all of this.
My life may not be glamorous, or that exciting, but I am so happy for the life I am living! I have an amazing support system rooting for me every day. I also feel like I am in the best emotional state I have ever been in. I live each day as if it was my last. Living with cancer the past 3 years has truly been a blessing in disguise.
I am unable to work because of my strenuous treatments, and the unpredictability of my health. In turn, Jeff and I only have one income to live off of. His paycheck goes to bills and necessities. We have also had to reach out to family and friends for financial help. Our families are so generous and so many people donated to my cancer benefit. I am forever grateful for all of the amazing friends and family, as well as, the people I don't even know that participated in the benefit. The outcome was unbelievable and incredibly helpful. I cannot thank everyone enough!
Being on such a tight budget has been a struggle, but it has opened up a whole new world to me. I used to go out all the time, and spend money frivolously. That is no longer an option. I have had to learn an entirely new lifestyle. I am not complaining. I am fortunate for all of the things I have, and I try to no longer take anything for granted. With any extra money we do have, Jeff and I spend it on things like music and movies. I enjoy downloading different types of music and watching movies from all genres. I have really enjoyed exploring classic music, such as artists like Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, and Louis Armstrong. I also have fun with the music from 80's hairbands. I totally rock out while I'm in the shower, or while I'm cleaning our apartment. Along with divulging into new music, I enjoy watching old movies and foreign films. I really appreciate the artistry behind them, and learn so much from them.
The activity I have love the most is plunging into writing. I have always had a passion for writing, but never had the confidence to let anyone read anything I've written. I no longer worry about the criticism I may get. I am doing this for me. It is very therapeutic, and I'm having fun learn new types of writing. I also feel it is the best way for me to express myself. Most of the time I am a very out-going person, but I can get very shy at times.
Along with making the most of my time alone, I am surrounding myself with good company. I love having good conversations. I can talk to some people for hours. Whether it's hours or minutes, I fully embrace the time I share with the people in my life. Life is too short not too. There is nothing I enjoy more than being with friends and family. My husband and I make sure take time every night just to talk. We talk about anything and everything. We turn off any distractions, and just enjoy being together. Some nights we talk into the early hours of the morning. I always feel bad when Jeff doesn't get much sleep, but I wouldn't trade our conversations for anything. These conversations make our relationship and marriage stronger. We are so disgustingly in love, but I wouldn't want it any other way! He makes me so happy! I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have found such an amazing man!
When I first got my diagnosis, I felt like I was being punished. I felt like I was cursed to have health problems for the rest of my life. I know that I will have health struggles as long as I live, but I no longer consider my life to be cursed. As my good buddy Jake always says, "it takes too much energy to be negative all the time". I completely agree. I have to stay positive if I want to get through all of this. I want to always appreciate the wonderful things I have in my life. I try to always have a smile on my face, but I also let myself cry and be angry when I need to. I allow myself to feel every emotion that comes to me, but I don't allow myself to dwell on them. I have learned to work through all of my emotions, and reach out to people when I need help with the difficulties life throws at me.
I wish I didn't have to live with cancer, but I am no longer letting cancer define me. I feel that I am stronger than my cancer. I can beat this. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean I don't have days that I doubt that I can win this battle. I can promise that I will continue to stay as positive as possible through all of this.
My life may not be glamorous, or that exciting, but I am so happy for the life I am living! I have an amazing support system rooting for me every day. I also feel like I am in the best emotional state I have ever been in. I live each day as if it was my last. Living with cancer the past 3 years has truly been a blessing in disguise.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Leaving lasting impressions
I have been having many difficulties lately regarding my health. I recently found out that my cancer has spread, and I have had many troubles healing from common illnesses. Because of this, I have been spent a lot of time admitted to the hospital. I hate being admitted. No one likes being in the hospital. I'm pretty used to it, so spending time there doesn't bother me. The thing that bothers me the most is that I can't visit my "kids", and other friends at the treatment center.
I keep in touch with everyone at the treatment center through phone calls and text messages, but of course it isn't the same as being there in person. I miss seeing the smiles on the faces of the children, hugging my friends, and catching up with the nurses. It's also difficult on my husband and our puppies. The boys have to stay in their cages all day, and Jeff stays up way to late spending time with me at the hospital after work. I feel like I'm inconveniencing everyone when I am admitted to the hospital.
After one of my recent admissions to the hospital, I went to visit the kids at the cancer center. I was getting caught up with one of the nurses. She was telling me that one of the little boys (Danny) had been having terrible nightmares. They were so bad that he had to sleep in a different room because he was disturbing the other children's sleep. I felt awful for him. The nurse went on to tell me that he would wake up so frightened that he was terrified to go back to sleep. I knew I had to do something to help. I couldn't let him continue this pattern of disturbing nights.
I thought about what things comfort me. I know when I'm scared, or anxious talking to someone helps me calm down. Their voice distracts me from my fears. I knew exactly what to do for Danny. I went to Hallmark and bought a recordable book. I recorded my voice reading the book and a little message at the end of the story. The next day I took the book to Danny. I told him if he was scared, or alone he could open this book and know I was with him. That day I got admitted to the hospital once again. The next morning I got a phone call from Danny's mom. She was crying. I was horrified to hear what she had to say. I thought something happened to Danny. To my surprise, she told me that the book worked wonders for Danny. She said that he had a terrible nightmare, but the book helped him calm down and get back to sleep. He was doing so much better at night that he was allowed to sleep in the room with the other kids again. I was so happy to hear he had help for his nightmares.
I was going through a difficult time with my health for about a month after giving the book to Danny. I was in the hospital for a while and then quarantined. I was unable to go visit my "kids" at the treatment hospital. I was missing them so much. I got another phone call from Danny's mom a few days into my quarantine. Again, I was nervous about what she had to say. It turned out to be a wonderful call. She was at the cancer center with the kids. They had all been missing me, so Danny played the book for all of them. After listening to the book they asked to call me. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was so touched by how loving the children were and are everyday. The call brought tears to my eyes, and brightened up such a difficult time in my healthcare.
That phone call made me realize the lasting impressions people leave on each other. Even when we can't be together with the ones we love, we are always on their minds, and in their hearts. The power of love is so strong. I have felt it stronger than ever in the past couple years. It's so important to love deeply and give love whole-heartedly. It is the most amazing feeling!
I keep in touch with everyone at the treatment center through phone calls and text messages, but of course it isn't the same as being there in person. I miss seeing the smiles on the faces of the children, hugging my friends, and catching up with the nurses. It's also difficult on my husband and our puppies. The boys have to stay in their cages all day, and Jeff stays up way to late spending time with me at the hospital after work. I feel like I'm inconveniencing everyone when I am admitted to the hospital.
After one of my recent admissions to the hospital, I went to visit the kids at the cancer center. I was getting caught up with one of the nurses. She was telling me that one of the little boys (Danny) had been having terrible nightmares. They were so bad that he had to sleep in a different room because he was disturbing the other children's sleep. I felt awful for him. The nurse went on to tell me that he would wake up so frightened that he was terrified to go back to sleep. I knew I had to do something to help. I couldn't let him continue this pattern of disturbing nights.
I thought about what things comfort me. I know when I'm scared, or anxious talking to someone helps me calm down. Their voice distracts me from my fears. I knew exactly what to do for Danny. I went to Hallmark and bought a recordable book. I recorded my voice reading the book and a little message at the end of the story. The next day I took the book to Danny. I told him if he was scared, or alone he could open this book and know I was with him. That day I got admitted to the hospital once again. The next morning I got a phone call from Danny's mom. She was crying. I was horrified to hear what she had to say. I thought something happened to Danny. To my surprise, she told me that the book worked wonders for Danny. She said that he had a terrible nightmare, but the book helped him calm down and get back to sleep. He was doing so much better at night that he was allowed to sleep in the room with the other kids again. I was so happy to hear he had help for his nightmares.
I was going through a difficult time with my health for about a month after giving the book to Danny. I was in the hospital for a while and then quarantined. I was unable to go visit my "kids" at the treatment hospital. I was missing them so much. I got another phone call from Danny's mom a few days into my quarantine. Again, I was nervous about what she had to say. It turned out to be a wonderful call. She was at the cancer center with the kids. They had all been missing me, so Danny played the book for all of them. After listening to the book they asked to call me. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was so touched by how loving the children were and are everyday. The call brought tears to my eyes, and brightened up such a difficult time in my healthcare.
That phone call made me realize the lasting impressions people leave on each other. Even when we can't be together with the ones we love, we are always on their minds, and in their hearts. The power of love is so strong. I have felt it stronger than ever in the past couple years. It's so important to love deeply and give love whole-heartedly. It is the most amazing feeling!
Life after Death
As many of you already know, Sarah recently passed away. Her death was sudden and unexpected. I have been having a very difficult time dealing with this loss. I had such an incredible connection with her. She was the most amazing little girl. I honestly felt as though she was my own daughter. I'm so grateful to have had the time I spent with her. She taught me so much about life and love. I will carry the memories of her with me for the rest of my life.
I never knew one person could have such an impact on my life. She has changed the way I view life, and the connections I have with everyone in my life. I have always had immense respect and love for my family and friends, but that love and respect goes much deeper than ever before. I cherish every moment I spend with the people in my life. I also recognize the different, and wonderful qualities that my friends and family posess. I learn so much about the people in my life day-after-day. I want to get to know everyone in ways that I have never known them before because I never know when I won't have the chance again. I am not trying to be morbid, or live like everyone in my life is dying. I just want live my life to the fullest. Knowing and spending time with the people around me is one of the most special things, that I feel, life has to offer.
I have also embraced getting to know new friends. I consider every person I meet a friend. I try to take the time everyday to smile at everyone I pass, and appreciate people I have just met, as well as, people who have been in my life for years. Keeping these connections bring so much joy and happiness to my life. Sending and receiving emails, texts, phone calls, etc, fill my heart with so much warmth and love.
Sarah's passing has changed my life in so many ways. I realized I was taking so many amazing aspects of life for granted. It's interesting how different experiences in life can make you look at the day-to-day routine in a completely new way. We all have to hug the ones we love, and take the time to enjoy life. It's incredible how in the blink of an eye so much time can fly by. I am devoted to slowing down, and exploring all the wonderful things in life!
I never knew one person could have such an impact on my life. She has changed the way I view life, and the connections I have with everyone in my life. I have always had immense respect and love for my family and friends, but that love and respect goes much deeper than ever before. I cherish every moment I spend with the people in my life. I also recognize the different, and wonderful qualities that my friends and family posess. I learn so much about the people in my life day-after-day. I want to get to know everyone in ways that I have never known them before because I never know when I won't have the chance again. I am not trying to be morbid, or live like everyone in my life is dying. I just want live my life to the fullest. Knowing and spending time with the people around me is one of the most special things, that I feel, life has to offer.
I have also embraced getting to know new friends. I consider every person I meet a friend. I try to take the time everyday to smile at everyone I pass, and appreciate people I have just met, as well as, people who have been in my life for years. Keeping these connections bring so much joy and happiness to my life. Sending and receiving emails, texts, phone calls, etc, fill my heart with so much warmth and love.
Sarah's passing has changed my life in so many ways. I realized I was taking so many amazing aspects of life for granted. It's interesting how different experiences in life can make you look at the day-to-day routine in a completely new way. We all have to hug the ones we love, and take the time to enjoy life. It's incredible how in the blink of an eye so much time can fly by. I am devoted to slowing down, and exploring all the wonderful things in life!
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