Today I Pledge

TODAY I PLEDGE.... .To see only good in others .To do something different .To forgive a past offense .To fill a need for someone .To laugh every chance I get .To forget yesterday's mistakes .To maintain a positive attitude .To practice listening to others .To share my thoughts with others .To spend sometime in solitude .To go an extra mile for another .To step outside my comfort zone .To change one thing about myself .To only speak words of affirmation .To take a backseat to someone else .To write down my innermost thoughts, so I never forget the feelings I've felt .I pledge to stay true to myself now and forever

Family

Happy father's day everyone! I hope you are all enjoying time with your fathers today whether it's in person, or in spirit. I can't be with my pappy today, but he knows how much I love him! Parents are such special, and important people. They are the ones who always have your back, and are your biggest supporters....NO MATTER WHAT! There aren't enough words to explain how incredible my family is! I am the luckiest girl in the world! It's important to respect and love your family so deeply every day of the year, not just on one degisnated day of the year. I know I thank my lucky stars everyday for my amazing family!!!

Family-Life after death

I'm not a very religious person.  I don't understand the whole concept of organized religion, but I do consider myself a spiritual person.  My family has had to deal with more deaths than we could have expected within in the past few years.  Death is always difficult to cope with, but I have grown to accept death as a process of life.  I think that is because I have been faced with my own death.  Obviously being diagnosed with cancer has made me think about my life ending earlier than I expected. My personal views are that when someone passes away their spirit always stays with you, and they watch over people who need them.  Out of the members of my family whom have passed, I continually feel my grandmother's(my mom's mom), and my aunt Sister Pat(my dad's) sister spirits around me.  I feel safe with them watching over me.  That may sound crazy to some of you, but I can feel their presence around me. A strange occurrence that recently happened to me confirms my spirituality. I had an appointment with one of my new doctors.  I had been having a rough morning regarding my health, and missing my family.  I went to my appointment as scheduled.  When the nurse called me back she could tell that I wasn't feeling well.  All I really wanted was a hug.  I needed that feeling of family around me.  I was sitting in the room waiting for the doctor when I heard a knock on the door.  The doc was coming in for my consult.  When he opened the door, I was in complete disbelief.  He was the spitting image of my grandpa(my dad's dad).  I was always very close with him.  He died when I was pretty young, but I still have vivid memories of him.  I felt a complete sense of calm come over me.  He made me feel more comfortable in an instant.  He reaffirmed that this move to Memphis was the right move for us.  My doctor even gave me a hug at the end of my appointment.  It felt just like a hug from my grandpa.  I know that my family members who have passed on sent him to me, so I would feel confident in this move. Whether living, or deceased there is always someone looking out for you.  I never thought of it that way before.  I always thought you had to look out for yourself, and reaching out to others made you weak.  I realize now that it's ok to ask for help, and in turn helping others get through their problems can impact your life in so many ways.

Just Keep Swimming

Normally when I make a move, or a big life change I tend to reflect and dwell on the past.  I worry myself until I’m nauseas because I'm so terrified about making the wrong decision.  This time is very different.  I not scared, or nervous about being in a new area with new doctors.  I am looking forward to taking advantage of the opportunities Memphis has to offer.  I’m also ready for the challenges that lie ahead of me.   It still makes me laugh at how many people ask me how I can be so happy and cheerful while going through all of these medical issues.  Am I supposed to live in a box?  Am I supposed to succumb to my cancer?  I refuse to do that!  I will keep fighting day-after-day with a smile on my face.  I am going to try and put as many smiles as I can on the faces of nurses, doctors, and fellow patients everyday.  The smiles and witty banter brings just as much joy to me as I hope it does to the others.   The “old Meg” used to take the small pleasures in life for granted.  Now I cherish those moments.  I love that my husband kisses me goodbye before he leaves for work each morning.  I love that I get to hug him everyday when he gets home.  I love talking on the phone, text messaging, and emailing my friends and family.  It puts a huge smile on my face to hear my mom laugh on the other end of the phone.  I love that I can ask my dad any question imaginable, and he’ll have an answer for me.  He's an extremely intellegent man but sometimes he might be feeding me complete bull, but I believe every word.  My parents really are my heros.  I also love that my sister and I can send each other random movie quotes via text, just to brighten each other’s day.  I have the most incredible, and supportive family, as well as, an amazing group of friends! I have made a promise to myself to live the rest of my life to the fullest.  I don’t know if this disease will cut my life short, or if I will beat this once and for all.  Either way, I am happy with the way I am living my life.  I am finally following my true passions.  My life has made a sharp turn off the path I thought I was traveling, but I’m enjoying the path I’m on the best I can.  This path has come with many difficulties, but it has also come with wonderful memories, and made some of my dreams come true.  There is no doubt that there will be many more challenges ahead.  I’m ready to face them head on because I know I have an amazing support system behind me.  I am going to steal a quote from Finding Nemo. It is very fitting for my lifestyle.  ”Just keep swimming, just keep swimming”.

Never give up

When things go wrong as they sometimes will; When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill; When the funds are low, and the debts are high And you want to smile, but have to sigh; When care is pressing you down a bit- Rest if you must, but do not quit. Success is failure turned inside out; The silver tint of the clouds of doubt; And you can never tell how close you are It may be near when it seems so far; So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit- It’s when things go wrong that you must not quit.

Ruth

This week has been a whirlwind, to say the least.  I have been going from doctor-to-doctor, and hospital-to-hospital.  It's been stressful because I am trying to organize my regular treatment plan, and get set up with all of my new doctors.  It's has been extremely overwhelming, but through it all there is always a bright spot. Yesterday I met a woman at treatment.  She was in the chemo chair next to mine.  After I got all plugged in, and started my treatment, she turned to me.  She introduced herself as Ruth, and asked me my name.  I told her my name is Megan, but most people call me Meg.  She told me that Meg was a lovely name.  We began talking to each other about our illnesses, treatment, and life in general.  As we were talking she kept referring to me as Anne.  I corrected her the first few times, but it didn't seem to stick.  Another patient that was in the room with us whispered to me that she had Alzheimer's disease.  It all clicked for me then.  I must remind her of this Anne from her past.  I just went on listening to her stories.  We laughed and cried together.  I think we covered each other's life stories within two hours.  It was the first "real" connection I've made with another patient since moving to Memphis.  It was nice, even though she thought I was Anne.  Seeing the smile on her face made it all worth it. Her treatment was over before mine, so she was getting unhooked from the machines, and getting ready to go home for the day.  She kept giving me a strange look while the nurses were getting her ready to leave.  Before she left she gave me a big hug, and said I'll see you soon Anne.  I went along with it and told her I couldn't wait to chat with her again soon. About ten minutes later she walked back into the treatment room.  She sat down next to me, and said " You're Meg right"?  I said "Yup I'm Meg".  She realized that she had been calling me Anne the whole time.  She apologized for calling me the wrong name.  She told me that I reminded her so much of her granddaughter that recently passed away.  She felt like she was talking to her granddaughter again.  Tears began rolling down her cheeks.  She thanked me for allowing her to access those memories again.  She hasn't been able to remember much about her lately, but I brought those feelings and thoughts back to her.  I began crying because of her story.  I was so touched that I could help her retrieve those memories.  That moment was so special for both of us. Since being diagnosised with cancer, I have learned so much about myself.  I see the world in a different light.  Everyone has a story, and I enjoy hearing them all.  I am a better, more well-rounded person because of the experiences I've gone through,and the people I have met.  I've always considered myself a good listener, but I know consider myself a great listener.  I don't just listen to a person talk.  I absorb what they are saying, and try to improve my quality of life from what their story taught me.

A New Beginning

The move from Phoenix to Memphis happened so fast! It seems as though it was all a blur. I'm happy to be settled into our new home. We have a lot of exploring left to do, and adjusting to do, but we are enjoying Tennessee so far. I only wish that Jeff wasn't rushed right into golf season here after coming off a busy golf season in AZ. Jeff is such a trooper, and adjusts easily to his surroundings. He fits right in at his new club. He's loving all of the responsibilities, and the fantastic people he is working with. I'm so happy for him. I'm so happy for us. Eventhough, I have only been in TN for a short time, it already feels like home. The people are so genuine, and polite. I fully understand the term "southern hospitality" now. The biggest thing I'm trying to get used to is being called "Miss Meg", or Ma'am. Coming from the rudest state in the United States, it's comforting to feel so welcomed by the city, my doctors, and the people Jeff works with. I have been evaluating my views on religion since moving to TN. We are right on the bible belt, so religion is very prominent. I don't consider myself a religious person, but I do believe I am a spiritual person. That spirituality has grow with this move. I have more faith and trust in people. I also feel, as though, there are many people looking out for me. I have lost some family and friends, with whom I ws very close with over the past few years. I believe they are watching over me, and have my best interest at heart, as well as, the family and friends I have around me at all times. The most recent experience with my spirituality is regarding a doctor's appointment I had yesterday. I am a firm believer in quality bed-side service and care, so I usually request a conference call with my doctors before metting them in person. I can get a sense of him, or her before my actual appointment. The appointment I had yesterday didn't allow for me to talk to the doctor before my appointment. I was extremely nervous and anxious. I didn't want to walk into an uncomfortable situation. To my surprise when the doctor walked in and he was the spitting imagage of my Grandpa(my dad's dad). I was very close to him as a child. I immediately felt comfortable with this man. To me, that proved that the family members who have gone before me are looking out for my best interest. They want me to stay calm and feel comfortable during this difficult time in my life. My family and friends who have passed away, as well as, all my family and friends still around me help get through everyday! I can't thank you all enough. No matter which road life leads us down, we must find a way to happiness.