Sunday, January 18, 2015
The life of a 20-something cancer patient: 2015
The life of a 20-something cancer patient: 2015: Happy New Year! I know I'm a couple weeks late. I have been fighting bronchitis, Pneumococcal Pneumonia, and various back issues since...
2015
Happy New Year! I know I'm a couple weeks late. I have been fighting bronchitis, Pneumococcal Pneumonia, and various back issues since before Christmas. Snore...I know. It's all very unexciting. I am on the mend with a few other residual side effects popping up. The doctors and I are monitoring my health conditions closely to prevent any life-threatening, or long term consequences due to the magnitude of what my body is fighting at this time.
The doctors here want to send me to New York City, or back to Houston to me consult with "experts" in my cancer fields. I have more than enough worries and concerns about traveling to these hospitals. I am a complete pain in the tushy to travel with. I get car sick, experience extreme anxiety, and often have to stop to throw up. Sorry that's gross, but it's the truth. It is also difficult to for my family and/or husband to take a week, or more off of work to cart my bum around to these facilities. Much worse is that they have to sit in waiting rooms for hours on end, bored out of their skulls, while waiting for me to escape the torture testing being performing on my body. How can I possibly ask my family to take time out of their lives to spend countless hours at the hospital waiting for me, and to foot the bill for the travel expenses? Jeff and I are completely drained from all our bills and medical expenses. It truly makes you think...Is is all worth it? Cancer has consumed six years of my life, and I have no idea how much longer it may, or may not continue. I so desperately want to keep fighting to prove the doctor's wrong, and to provide a source of strength for the precious children battling the cancer fight as well. I have failed at many things in my life. I cannot fail at this! If I do, what was the meaning of my life? I have contributed nothing to the world. I have been an endless burden and source of stress for far too many years. I want to be the daughter that my parents can be proud of and gloat about once-in-a-while. That sounded terribly selfish...sorry. I also want to be half of the good-natured and wholesome woman my sister is. She has always been my role model, an all I've ever been to her is her annoying little sister that turned in to her sickly little sister. I wish I could be as fun-loving and genuine as my brother-in-law. His intelligence, wit and laughter motivates me daily. I would love to be a better daughter-in-law and sister-in-law. It is difficult for us to visit them due to our financial, and medical situation. I want them to know the "real" Meg, not just sickly Meg. Most of all I want to be a better wife to my remarkable husband. He is on the "front lines" dealing with all of the good days, but struggling to make it through the challenging and difficult days. He works hours on end, gets little sleep, and takes me to all of my doctors appointments. Not to mention, all of the middle-of-the-night Emergency Room trips. He has never complained...not once. I don't deserve such love and support, especially after so many years. By this time all of the wonderful people in my life must be exhausted and frustrated with my health woes. I exude the extensive irritation that is brought to their lives. I suffer with all the frequent hardships I place upon my family and friends.
I have lost many friends since being diagnosed with such an awful disease, but I have also gained some sincerely lovely souls because of our connection to cancer. I do wish I wasn't pushed into isolation due to my illness, but I understand it. I can't go to bars, clubs, many parties, and/or go on vacations because I have to be near my doctors and cancer center. Most days I feel like I am stuck at a standstill. I have never said this aloud, but I feel like I am the closest to death than I have ever been. I'm terrified. I not afraid of actually passing away. I just want to be around for all of the glorious moments in life that are yet to come. I want to celebrate holidays and birthdays with my family and friends. I want to travel. I want to work again, and I hope to one day be able to adopt a child for Jeff and I to raise. What a wonderful world that would be.
Sorry for being Spappers MaGee there for a bit. I just need to reveal my truth. 2015 is a pivotal year for me. I will be turning 30 years old on this day next month. Jeff and I will celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary and many of my family member have milestone birthdays this year. I want to be around for all of these events. I know that if I do pass on, I will be at each of these celebrations in spirit. You can't completely get rid of me...ha! I will haunt all y'all!
I believe that when a gentle breeze graces your face, and the calming sensation that takes over you body is a kiss from a loved on whom has passed on. You do not see, or hear them, but you can almost feel them their with you. With that tender breeze brings a sense of silence and warmth. True reflection finds us when we need it most. Never shy away from it, breath it in. Allow for time in each and every hectic day to stop, take a breath, and believe.
This song always puts a smile on my face and allows me to understand the most important thing in life...HAPPINESS! Cherish it and share it.
It's so important to make someone happy
The doctors here want to send me to New York City, or back to Houston to me consult with "experts" in my cancer fields. I have more than enough worries and concerns about traveling to these hospitals. I am a complete pain in the tushy to travel with. I get car sick, experience extreme anxiety, and often have to stop to throw up. Sorry that's gross, but it's the truth. It is also difficult to for my family and/or husband to take a week, or more off of work to cart my bum around to these facilities. Much worse is that they have to sit in waiting rooms for hours on end, bored out of their skulls, while waiting for me to escape the torture testing being performing on my body. How can I possibly ask my family to take time out of their lives to spend countless hours at the hospital waiting for me, and to foot the bill for the travel expenses? Jeff and I are completely drained from all our bills and medical expenses. It truly makes you think...Is is all worth it? Cancer has consumed six years of my life, and I have no idea how much longer it may, or may not continue. I so desperately want to keep fighting to prove the doctor's wrong, and to provide a source of strength for the precious children battling the cancer fight as well. I have failed at many things in my life. I cannot fail at this! If I do, what was the meaning of my life? I have contributed nothing to the world. I have been an endless burden and source of stress for far too many years. I want to be the daughter that my parents can be proud of and gloat about once-in-a-while. That sounded terribly selfish...sorry. I also want to be half of the good-natured and wholesome woman my sister is. She has always been my role model, an all I've ever been to her is her annoying little sister that turned in to her sickly little sister. I wish I could be as fun-loving and genuine as my brother-in-law. His intelligence, wit and laughter motivates me daily. I would love to be a better daughter-in-law and sister-in-law. It is difficult for us to visit them due to our financial, and medical situation. I want them to know the "real" Meg, not just sickly Meg. Most of all I want to be a better wife to my remarkable husband. He is on the "front lines" dealing with all of the good days, but struggling to make it through the challenging and difficult days. He works hours on end, gets little sleep, and takes me to all of my doctors appointments. Not to mention, all of the middle-of-the-night Emergency Room trips. He has never complained...not once. I don't deserve such love and support, especially after so many years. By this time all of the wonderful people in my life must be exhausted and frustrated with my health woes. I exude the extensive irritation that is brought to their lives. I suffer with all the frequent hardships I place upon my family and friends.
I have lost many friends since being diagnosed with such an awful disease, but I have also gained some sincerely lovely souls because of our connection to cancer. I do wish I wasn't pushed into isolation due to my illness, but I understand it. I can't go to bars, clubs, many parties, and/or go on vacations because I have to be near my doctors and cancer center. Most days I feel like I am stuck at a standstill. I have never said this aloud, but I feel like I am the closest to death than I have ever been. I'm terrified. I not afraid of actually passing away. I just want to be around for all of the glorious moments in life that are yet to come. I want to celebrate holidays and birthdays with my family and friends. I want to travel. I want to work again, and I hope to one day be able to adopt a child for Jeff and I to raise. What a wonderful world that would be.
Sorry for being Spappers MaGee there for a bit. I just need to reveal my truth. 2015 is a pivotal year for me. I will be turning 30 years old on this day next month. Jeff and I will celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary and many of my family member have milestone birthdays this year. I want to be around for all of these events. I know that if I do pass on, I will be at each of these celebrations in spirit. You can't completely get rid of me...ha! I will haunt all y'all!
I believe that when a gentle breeze graces your face, and the calming sensation that takes over you body is a kiss from a loved on whom has passed on. You do not see, or hear them, but you can almost feel them their with you. With that tender breeze brings a sense of silence and warmth. True reflection finds us when we need it most. Never shy away from it, breath it in. Allow for time in each and every hectic day to stop, take a breath, and believe.
This song always puts a smile on my face and allows me to understand the most important thing in life...HAPPINESS! Cherish it and share it.
It's so important to make someone happy
Make just one someone happy
Make just one heart to heart you, you sing to
Make just one heart to heart you, you sing to
One smile that cheers you
One face that lights when it nears you
One girlyour - your everything to
One face that lights when it nears you
One girlyour - your everything to
Fame, if you win it,
Comes and goes in a minutes
Where's the real stuff in life, to cling to?
Comes and goes in a minutes
Where's the real stuff in life, to cling to?
Love is the answer
Someone to love is the answer
Once you've found her,
Build your world around her
Someone to love is the answer
Once you've found her,
Build your world around her
Make someone happy
Make just one someone happy
And you will be happy too
Make just one someone happy
And you will be happy too
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