Miracles

I have always viewed my life to be in a state of constant disarray and unexpected spontaneity.  I've continually had focus, and a tight grasp on the important elements of life, such as, education, family, morals, and maintaining long-lasting relationships.  Other than that I have allowed myself to wander. Not necessarily wander aimlessly, rather, not denying my need to explore.  I have always had an undeniable compulsion to try new things.  Some might say that I live my life recklessly, but I choose to identify my life as a stimulating adventure.  I rarely shy away from jumping in "feet first" to new experiences.  I do not regret any of the choices I have made.  I may be embarrassed by some of my poor decisions, but I've learned from them instead of punishing myself.

The last ten years have been a roller coaster.  I have faced a number of ups and downs with wild twists in-between.  The first five years were filled with wonderful highs, and incredible life-changing events.  The lows were tough, but they were manageable, and I could get through those dark moments relatively easy.  The next five years have been quite the opposite.  I have been through peaks and valleys just like the years before, but this time around there have been many more lows than highs.  The depression and despair is always lurking behind me, waiting to consume me once again.  Alternatively my life has felt less like a roller coast, and more like being lost at sea.  Many times I feel stranded and alone even though I have the most incredible friends, family, and healthcare staff supporting me.  I feel guilty because I am letting all of these amazing advocates down by not getting better.  In turn, my health is declining faster than ever.  I am alone on a sinking vessel while mighty winds and waves are whirling all around me.  All the while, my support system is stuck on land hoping I find my way home.  Until yesterday, I had mentally succumbed to the conclusion that I was destined to sink.  I would never find my way home again.  To my surprise and elation, yesterday, my path toward home was rediscovered.

At approximately one o'clock in the morning I received the most astonishing and thrilling email of my life.  I was unable to sleep(not uncommon for me) because of the pain and nausea I was experiencing.  As I laid in bed, I reached over for my cell phone.  I figured I would catch up on my news apps, scour Facebook, and possibly play a game or two.  After retrieving my phone from my night stand, it buzzed in my hand.  I noticed the notification for a new email.  I figured it was some trivial email trying to sell me something, or some pointless email I wouldn't even bother opening.  I was perplexed to see that the message in my inbox was from a dear friend.  I was confused as to why he would be sending me an email at such an absurd hour.  I swiftly clicked on the message to read it's contents.  I was floored by what was written!  He had explained to me that he was a match for my bone marrow transplant.  I had no clue that he had already submitted his swab test.  I was still gathering the names and information needed to give my doctor in order to send out the testing utensils to those willing to donate.  We had time plenty of time to acquire the materials needed considering I cannot have the transplant until after my current round of chemo is complete.  I have 2-3 weeks remaining.  As I read further into the email, he explained to me he didn't want to wait.  He was at the hospital one day and completed the test himself.  He sent it off for analysis without mentioning it to me.  Of course, he hoped he would be the match, but he wasn't counting on it.  Bone marrow is challenging to match.  So, as it turns out, he couldn't sleep that night either.  He decided to go downstairs to his home office to pay some bills and catch up on some emails.  He said that he about fell out of his chair when he read the message that he was a bone marrow match for me.  The email said he had 48 hours to reply wether, or not he was still willing to donate.  He confessed to me that his hands were shaking and he couldn't type the word "YES' fast enough, in response to the news.  He emailed the unbelievable news to me, because he assumed I would be asleep.  As soon as I read the last word of that email I screamed "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD".  My husband sprang out of bed disoriented, confused, worried and obviously pretty groggy.  I could barely get the words out.  I jumped into his arms and declared that a donor match was found!  I hugged him tightly as our dogs barked and jumped around in agitation of the situation.  As I embraced my husband, I shouted, I HAVE TO CALL MY PARENTS!!!!  Jeff informed me that it was two o'clock in the morning, but it didn't faze me.  I had to share this incredible news!

I am so outrageously fortunate to have found a bone marrow match and donor, but the most unimaginable part of this story is the revelation of my donor's identity.  In a remarkable turn of events my doctor from Arizona is my "knight in shining armor".  This man is once again saving my life.  He was the only doctor whom ever truly listened to me, and took into account all of my symptoms 5 years ago.  I had tirelessly gone from doctor to doctor and to countless hospitals to find out what was wrong with me.  All of those physicians gave up on me because the diagnosis wasn't easy to detect, or they would tell me I'm just a hypochondriac.  The most frustrating were the doctors who told me I was a young girl and it was all in my head.  I just wanted to get out of going to school/work, or I wanted attention.  They NEVER stopped to take the time to get to know me, and honestly listened to me.  They dismissed me, as well as, the physical pain and mental anguish I was enduring.  Dr. Reilly never did that.  He fought for me, he listened to me without preconceived notions, and he cared about me.  Three years after parting ways from a doctor/patient relationship, we've remain connected.  Dr. Reilly has never been just a doctor to me, he is family.  Not only did he save my life 5 years ago, he is going to once again save my life by giving me this selfless and generous gift.  There are no words, or actions worthy enough to thank this man for what he has and will be giving to me.

Life leads us down many different paths.  Many times we wish would could change course, or go back and pick a different path.  I know I have felt that way many times, but I have learned that life is honestly about the journey, and the reactions we make in response to the actions we've chosen, as well as, acknowledging the accomplishments we have achieved by facing our fears and life's unexpected twists.  No one is invincible, but we all carry a source of unwavering courage and strength within ourselves.  We all must remember..."this too shall pass".