Living and Dying

Why is it that with death comes new life?  I'm not talking about the actual birth of a baby, I'm talking about taking a closer look at the situations we are currently in.  Why do we wait for tragedy before re-evaluating our lives?  Why not truly live the life we want everyday, so that death can be more of a celebration of the deceased instead of a time of extreme sadness and mourning?  I am in no way belittling funerals, mourning the loss of a loved one, or grieving the best ways we know how.  I am only suggesting that we assess our lives more often than after a casualty.  

I have been told by many doctors that my life will be cut short.  Most of my family has come to realize that they will likely outlive me.  Recognizing that is not easy to digest.  It has taken a while for the news to settle in, and some of my family and friends choose not to accept it.  I commend them for their positivity and hopefulness.  I am extremely grateful to them for helping me through this horrific fight and for giving me the strength I need when I feel too weak to keep going.  Their vitality, courage, strong will, faith, and love for me is what allows me to face each treatment, each surgery, each procedure, each doctor's appointment.  All of the bad news I have received over the years has been easier to bear because of them.  Every one of my family and friends have the ability to highlight the positive diagnoses and the challenges I have been able to overcome.  I am surrounded by so many amazing people whom allow me to embrace life and live it to the fullest, despite that fact that I have cancer.  There are many people who look at me with pity and sadness in their eyes, but my true friends and family still look at me as Meg.  Meg, the silly, lighthearted, loving, caring, brave, unwavering, and a little bit crazy girl they've always known.  My hair might be gone, I may be puffy and swollen from tumors and medications, I may get tired a lot faster and have to take more breaks during the day.  I may only be able to wear sweatshirts(even if it's 100 degrees outside) and yoga pants because all other fabrics make my skin crawl.  I may stand up to do something, but by the time I take two steps I've forgotten what I was going to do(because of the chemo and my daily medications).  All of these things have changed my life, but I am still the same Meg inside.  I will continue to laugh at my forgetfulness, I'll rock my bald head and I'll spice up my look with fun and colorful head wraps.  I will always say what's on my mind without a filter.  I will never be afraid to be loud, crazy and goofy in public(even though I might embarrass those with me).  I will never stop singing at the top of my lungs along with the radio in the car, and bust out my sweet car dancing moves.  Most of all I will never stop loving with my whole heart.  At no time will I stop seeing the good in everyone I meet, even if I have to dig deep to set it free.  Above all else, I will ALWAYS have a smile on my face.  Sometimes that's all a person needs to brighten their day.

I want to take a moment to talk about a recent death that has had an immense impact on me.  Being a cancer patient I encounter death more than I ever thought I would.  I can't say that I have grown accustom to death and dying, but I've learned how to cope with the departure of a friend or family member.  I have never cried over a celebrities death before the recent passing of Robin Williams.  I have tirelessly cried because of the astute losses in my life, but never over someone in the public eye.  I noticed a substantial change in emotion when I teared up over losing such an inspiring actor. I never met this man, yet he brought so much joy to my life, and to the life of so many others. 

I am obviously profoundly distressed by his untimely passing, but at the same time, I am beyond grateful for the laughter and warmth he shared with the world.  I doubt the world will ever see a soul as beautiful as Robin Williams.  We will never know the pain he felt that led him to taking his own life, but we are lucky that his uplifting spirit and his undeniable talent will live on forever.  May he rest in peace.
Thank you, Robin Williams, for sharing your life with us all.

Death is inevitable.  Sometimes we are aware the time is near.  Other times death comes without warning.  We will never know when our day will come to leave this earth.  I am not happy that I have cancer, but it has allowed me to slow down and grasp what is genuinely important to me.  Life is stressful, confusing, and, at times, unbearable.  Take the time to stop and embrace life when you can.  I have seriously thought about and attempted to end my life a few times, but I was lucky enough to be surrounded love stronger than any cancer.  I am committed to celebrating my life from this point on.  However much time I have left, I am going to live to the fullest!  When the day comes that my life is finished, I want a party, not a funeral.  Celebrate all the times we've shared.  Please do not dwell on the unavoidable.  Coming or going, I will forever be smiling!