The first test needed was a mammogram. I was well aware that would be the test needed. I had never had one before, so I was a little nervous. I had went into the test pretty much knowing what to expect. I asked my mom what it was like when she had hers. She told me it was uncomfortable, but fairly quick. Easy enough, or so I thought.
The FIRST mammogram went like my mom had explained. It was weird, and awkward, but not too terrible. I capitalized first because, of course, it wasn't that simple. I had to have further testing. I needed to have a sonogram to get a better picture of the mass, and a reverse mammogram. Whatever that is...
The sonogram was a cake walk. It was basically a ultrasound of my boob. It was still weird because I was lying there with my boob out in all it's glory. Anyone who knows me, knows that I liked to stay covered up. I'm not a prude, but I like to keep the girls in check.
After taking those pictures, it was time for the reverse mammogram. Here's where it got REALLY uncomfortable. As if it wasn't already.... I walk into the mammogram area, and took a look at the machine. It wasn't the same machine used a few days ago. This bitch was something straight out of Star Trek. It was HUGE, and extremely terrifying. I had no idea which end was up, or where exactly my breast was supposed to go. Mammograms are intimidating in their own right, but this reverse mammogram deal had me scared shitless. I had to just suck it up, and go with the flow.
As I walked through the double doors toward the alien-like piece of machinery, I clutched my gown closed, so I didn't flash anyone walking by. The doors slammed behind me. Two women walked in from behind that glass shield. The older woman told me that the younger girl was a new mammogram technician. She asked if it was okay for her to watch/participate in the procedure, so she could learn the protocol. I thought to myself, "Yeah, go ahead and add another person to this circus." I just shook my head politely.
They had me walk up to the monstrosity, remove my left arm from the gown, and let it drape behind my back. Then the older woman lifted my arm over the top of one part of the machine to grab a handle on the other side. I was already cold, and uncomfortable, but it was about to get worse. The older woman instructed the younger girl to go under the machine and hold my breast while two bookend looking pieces moved together to smash my boob between them. Are you kidding me? I was mortified that this poor girl had to support my breast while the bookend pieces closed in. That wasn't eve the worst part.
As the machine was positioning itself, the older lady asked me a few questions. Most of them were standard questions. The one that I found unusual was regarding trauma to my boob. She explained to me that the sonogram showed signs of trauma. It looked to them, as though, I had had recent bruising to my breast. She asked if I had known that to me true. Me, trying to be funny said..."Well, my husband is a biter." The girl below me, still hold my boob, struggled not to laugh. The older lady, on the other had, gave me a look of disgust. In my head I'm thinking, "Oh lordy, you're such an idiot Meg!", but the damage had been done. I tried my best to shrug off the remark. I dropped me head down, and said that I was unaware of any trauma. The woman gave me a stern "mmm-hmm", and rolled her eyes. I remained quiet for the remainder of the test, and practically ran out of the room when it was over. I'm sure my face was beet-red with embarrassment!
Take it from me, don't try to be funny during a mammogram...
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