You find strength in the most unexpected places

I want to start by apologizing for the issues regarding my last two posts.  I'm not sure why a section got deleted from the original post.  I hope after reading the additional post, the first post was more understandable, and the sense of cohesion was there that I intended.

My last two posts are very special, and very personal to me.  I started this journey with a angry and bitter attitude.  I couldn't comprehend why this was happening to me.  I didn't know how, or what to feel.  I shut down.  I became a person I didn't like, and a person I never thought I would become.  I was always a happy kid(at least from what I can remember).  Through my teens and early twenties I remained that happy person.  Some might say overly happy.  I remember thinking that I was always the funny/goofy one in my group of friends.  I hate to say it, but we are always labeled.  In groups of friends, or family members, there is always "the pretty one", "the smart one", "the shy one", "the crazy one", etc.  I was always "the funny one".  I was ok with that.  I loved making people laugh.  I still love to make people laugh!  We all have more than one quality, of course, but there is always that one quality that stands out amongst the rest.  When I got diagnosed with cancer I lost my identity.  I wasn't "the funny one" anymore.  I felt like I had nothing to offer.  I was a shell of who I once was.

That all changed the day I met Sarah.  Since that day in the courtyard, Sarah and I have been inseparable.  That may be a bit of an exaggeration, but we spend a lot of time together.  Sarah lives at the hospital with five other children.  They share a communal room.  They each have their own beds, a night stand, and a glider chair.  The children share a room because of their ages.  The youngest is six and the oldest is eleven. It's easier for the younger children to cope with their illness and treatments if they are all together.  All of the children go to different departments throughout the day, but they all come back to the same room.  The children have made extraordinary bonds with each other.  They are all there to support one another.  The parents of the children are allowed to come and go as they please.  The parents have all made strong bonds with the other children, as well as, with the other parents.  It's like one big happy family.  It is a beautiful site to see.

I became a regular visitor to that room.  When I was in-between treatments, I would go visit the children and the parents.  I started going to treatments earlier and staying later, so I could spend more time with those amazing kids.  I was getting to know everyone, and understanding their cancers.  I was also learning more about their lives before cancer, and their lives while fighting the disease.  Sarah was the only girl who didn't open up much about her family.  I never saw anyone come to visit her.  I figured I just missed when they visited.  Most of the parents work full-time jobs, so they can't always be around during the day.  Since I am usually there during the day time, I assumed her family came at night.  I was growing closer and closer to these children everyday.  I deeply cared for them all.  Their parents were growing closer to me too.  They would ask me to look after their son or daughter while they were away at work, or whatever else they were doing that took them away from the hospital.  I was happy to help the children and parents any way I could.  As we were all becoming friends, or "our little hospital family", as we like to call it.  I still hadn't  met Sarah parents.  I was concerned.  One day I finally decided to ask a nurse.  I wasn't sure if she would be able to tell me anything because I wasn't a relative of Sarah.  When I asked the nurse, I was shocked to hear what she told me.

Sarah was a child of the state.  I didn't know what that meant exactly.  I asked the nurse to explain.  She told me that two weeks after Sarah got her final diagnosis, her mother abandoned her.  She went on to tell me that Sarah's mom was a single mom with two children(one being Sarah).  The nurse explained to me further that she had a conversation with Sarah's mom shortly after her daughter was diagnosed and admitted to the hospital.  Sarah's mom was frantic, wondering how she would take care of a sick child, another son, and work forty hours a week.  The nurse said that she did her best that night to calm her down.  She gave the worried mother phone numbers and names of people to call for assistance with her daughter's treatment.  The nurse thought that Sarah's mom was settled down, and understanding of the options available to help the family after their discussion.  She was ready to help them more in the morning after everything sank in.  Then the nurse then told me the heartbreaking news.  That was the last time she ever saw, or heard from Sarah's mom.  She didn't even say goodnight to her child before leaving her alone and helpless.

I just burst into tears.  My heart was aching for this little girl.  How could a family abandon a child?  I was overcome with emotions.  I was so sad for her.  I was angry at her mother.  I was angry at the world for putting such an amazing little girl through so much.  I decided that I would be the mother she never had.  I would be there to support her, love her, cry with her, laugh with her, whatever she needed.  I would be there for her.  I wasn't going to abandon her.  I was going to make our bond run deeper.  She was giving me so much strength and confidence to fight my cancer.  I wanted to show her that she could always count on me.  I went back into the room with Sarah and the other children.  I put my brave face on, because I didn't want Sarah to see that I was upset.  I went right over to her and give her the biggest hug.  I told her I was going to be by her side every step of the way.  I promised to never let her down. 

She began to cry.  I'm not positive why, but I believe it was because it was the first time she felt unselfish love.  I let her know I would love her always.  I have stuck to my word, and I have been by her side everyday.  We are both battling cancer, so sometimes we can be with each other physically, but I always check in on her.  I love her as if she was my own.

Sarah has shown me such strength.  She always has a beaming smile on her face.  She has had that from day one.  Even though, she has been abandoned, stricken by illness, and has an uncertain future, she remains so positive and genuine.  She has been my angel here on earth.  She has made my terrible cancer journey bearable.  She allows me to step back from it all, and think like a kid again.  She has given me back that sense of innocence.  She has restored my hope.

Sarah was abandoned at the hospital when she was five years old.  She is now eight.  She has been living at the hospital and fighting this unbelievable fight for three years.  Her outlook on life is undeniable.

I believe we all will come across a "Sarah" in our lifetime, but not everyone will take the time to appreciate the life lessons that can be learned.  Take the time to re-evaluate your lives.  Take time to "smell the roses". Take time to find your "Sarah".