The best days can happen even when you feel at your worst

I can honestly say that I have had more bad days in the past two and a half years than good days.  That doesn't mean that I haven't had some fantastic days.  The days aren't always all bad, but at some point during each day I usually hit a rough patch.  These difficult times used to be too much to handle, or so I thought.  I've learned over time how to deal with the bad moments, so they don't ruin an entire day.  Sometimes it just doesn't work.  There are days that I spend most of my time in bed trying to alleviate the pain.  Other days I'm so nauseated that I spend hours upon hours in the bathroom.  Fun...huh?!?  Believe me, it's anything but fun.  I've come to terms with the fact that, right now, I am going to have more days that will be a struggle for me than days that won't.  I make the good days count though.  Make no mistake about that!

As I mentioned in my previous post, I got married while I was going through treatments.  It wasn't ideal, but it was something I wanted to do.  I didn't want to wait to become Mrs. Kleinman.  I wanted to marry the man of my dreams as soon as possible.  I'm going to get a little morbid here, but I didn't want to die without having the chance to get married.  I've dreamt of my wedding since I was a little girl.  I wanted to see that dream come true.  I had seen my sister walk down the aisle a few years ago.  She was so beautiful, and beaming with happiness.  I wanted to feel what she felt on that day.  I wasn't going to let cancer get in my way.

I began planning the minute Jeff proposed to me.  I couldn't wait to get this "wedding train" moving.  I looked at different venues, flowers, invitations, save-the-dates, bridesmaids dresses, etc.  I was constantly on the Internet searching for everything I would need for my wedding.  The only thing I waited on was my dress.  I wanted my mom to be with me when I picked out the perfect dress.  She came out for a visit, and we just happened to stumble upon this little wedding dress boutique.  It looked expensive from the outside, so I was hesitant to go in.  My mom, on the other hand, was all for it.  I gave in, and we went inside to take a look.  As luck would have it, the first dress I saw and tried on was "the one".  It was stunning, and exactly what I had told my mom I was looking for.  The lady in the store got my measurements, and that day we ordered my wedding dress.  I remember coming home and telling Jeff I found my dress.  None of us had planned on even looking for dresses that day, much less ordering one.  It was meant to be, just like Jeff and I were meant to be.

Everything after that just fell into place.  The venue we chose(the golf club where Jeff worked at the time) helped us with everything.  They organized the ceremony site, and they setup the cocktail hour.  They created the dinner site and dinner menu, and they made the reception area sparkle.  It was all so amazing.  They even gave us leads on photographers and DJ's.  They both did outstanding at our wedding.  The only hiccup we had was regarding the cake.  The cakes made by the pastry chef at the wedding venue tasted like cardboard...gross.  We tried so many different kinds, and they were all awful!  Luckily, my mom came to the rescue again.  We found a place that could make all the cakes we wanted(8 individuals and 1main cake), and they were delicious!!

When the "big day" arrived, I was ready to party.  My bridesmaids and I got to the venue early, so we could get our hair and make-up done.  The club treated us like queens.  They had things for us to snack on, water, and champagne.  The morning flew by, and before I knew it, I was getting into my gorgeous gown. I was filled with emotions.  My bridesmaids, my hair dresser(who is also my amazing friend), and my mom were all around me.  The moment was indescribable.  I held back the tears, as a felt all the love around me. The moment I first broke down was when my dad came upstairs before we began pictures.  It was the first time he saw me in my dress, and with my hair and make-up complete.  He came over to hug me, and I lost it.  I was so happy I was able to share such a special day with my family and friends.  I was also so incredibly grateful for how much time, effort, and money my parents put into this unbelievable event.

After we were all beautified, it was time for pictures, and then finally time for the ceremony to begin.  We got through pictures without a hitch.  We were all enjoying posing for the camera.  The time flew by, and before we knew it, it was time to get married!  I was so nervous, not about marrying Jeff, but about the flight of stairs I had to walk down by myself, in a gown and high heels.  I was sure I was going to trip, or I was going to faint.  Thank goodness I made it down then stairs with no trouble.  I met my dad at the bottom of the steps.  Tears began to well up in my eyes again.  I kept them in until it was time for my dad to give me away.  I saw the tears in his eyes, and I just broke down.  The rest of the ceremony was a mix of laughing and crying.  Jeff and I wrote most of the ceremony, so it was very personal to us and our love.  I think most of our guest felt they had gone through our journey to marriage right along with us.  

The ceremony seemed to pass in the blink of an eye, and ta-da....we were married!

We made the most of the rest of the evening.  We were surrounded by our families, and our friends.  Everything was absolute perfection.  The dinner was filled with delicious food, and great company.  The reception was phenomenal!  The music was nonstop, as we danced the night away.  There was not one moment during that day that I felt like a cancer patient.  I let myself solely be a bride, and a wife.  It was the happiest day of my life.  I didn't let my health take that away from me.  I never thought I would be a cancer patient, and a bride at the same time.  I wasn't going to let that stop me from making my wedding an event to remember!

I try to maintain that attitude to this day.  Like I said, I have many challenging days, but I don't let them keep me down.  I push through them, so that I can move onto the next.  There are a lot of times when I have to cancel plans, or miss events.  I try not to, but my health has to come first.  You better believe though, if I'm feeling ok enough to venture out for an event, I'm going to make the most of it!  We all should live our lives that way.  Make everyday an adventure.  Enjoy the company of those around you.  Really live life, don't let it pass you by.  It's never too late to make changes, and to view life in a different light.  I choose to look at life through rose colored glasses.  I will continue looking at life this way from now on, I promise, that will never change.