Hurt

Since the day I got diagnosed, and still to this day, I get asked if cancer hurts. My answer has always been the same. Yes, cancer is very painful. Most people are surprised when I say that the physical pain doesn't compare to the emotional struggles. My body hurts everyday, and the treatments I go through are no walk in the park. On top of it all, feeling nauseated daily just plan sucks! Luckily, there are medications that can help with those continual side effects. The most difficult part about battling cancer has been putting my life on hold. I have to admit that I get very envious of my family and friends. When I talk to them, or read their statuses on Facebook, I always get a little jealous. Of course, I am happy that the people around me have such exciting, and eventful lives. I wish that I could participate in all of the fun activities. I miss going out with friends, hitting the road for a spontaneous getaway, and attending concerts. I am forced to plan all of my outings, and prepare for any health issue that might arise while I'm out. When going to restaurants, I have to go at "off" times so it's not too busy. If there are too many people inside, that provides a greater chance for me to catch something. Wherever I go, the first thing I look for is the location of the bathrooms. It is crucial that I know where I need to head in the instance that I need to vomit. (Pretty gross...I know) I think the most frustrating part about having such a serious illness is that I can never plan anything more than a couple hours. Everyday is a giant question mark. I could feel great one moment, and miserable the next. That makes it difficult to live by any time schedule. I didn't even know if I would be on time for my own wedding. Boy, I sound like a whiny brat. I'm not all bitterness, and frustration. I know I am very lucky in so many ways. Things could absolutely be worse. I am extremely fortunate to have incredible support from those around me. I still get to do many things that I love. I just have to approach them differently. My illness has also open my eyes to many other, new and enjoyable outlets I may never have explored before being diagnosed with cancer. I do believe that with every door closed, a window is opened.