Wishing and hoping for more time

THOUGHTS


Dawn turns to day,
As stars are dispersed;
Wherever I lay,
I think of you first.

The sun has arisen,
The sky, a sad blue.
I quietly listen,
The wind sings of you.

The thoughts we each keep,
That are closest to our hearts,
We think as we sleep,
And you're always my last thought.



CRY


I know I cry a lot,
For many reasons,
Such as, sad movies, abandoned dreams,
Songs that remind me of the past, and on
Particularly rough day most anything can
Bring on the tears. But lately, what I've been
Crying about the most is myself.
I know it is terribly selfish and insensitive to
All of those around me whom have shown me so
Much support and unconditional love.
I can't help dwelling on the person I used to be,
The person I lost, and the future I may never
Experience.

Holiday Wishes

It's more than obvious that the holiday season is in "full swing".  The stores aisles are filled with gift ideas, decorations for inside and outside, all the traditional holiday baking fixin's, and all sorts of cute gift wrapping paper, as well as, adorable stocking stuffers. The city workers put up lights along all of the treelined streets, all of the greenery in the community parks, and they fancy up the lampposts, as well as, many other areas of the town. There is a crisp chill in the air, shimmering snow on the ground, holiday songs blaring, both classic and new.  The best part of this glorious holiday season is coming home after a long day, changing into cozy PJ's, making yourself a warm mug of tea, hot chocolate, coffee, or apple cider, snuggling into a warm blanket, and putting on a favorite holiday movie or cherished holiday music.  It doesn't get much better than that!

It's not the gifts that bring us joy and happiness during the holiday season.  Yes, of course, they help.  Who doesn't enjoy recieving gifts? I would never turn down a gift, ha! Believe me, I am no Mother Theresa.  I try to give back as much as I can because I have been shown so much support, love and encouragement over the years.  My entire life, not only just the cancer years. I am fortunate to be able to give back without risking my health, or the health of others.  Anything I can do to help a friend, or a complete stranger in need, I will do my best to help out.  Nothing will stop me from putting a smile on the face of someone feeling down.  Even the strongest person needs a little(or big) miracle sometimes....or should I say say a little magic?

Most people who read this post may I think "she's officially lost her marbles"! That could very well be true. I'll be the first to admit it, but I think bringing back simplicity, love, and time shared with the ones we love need to be returned to the spirit of Christmas and the Holiday season.  Allow yourselves to smile "just because" and take a step back from the "daily grind" and the rut of the same ole stale routine we get stuck in without even recognizing it.


What I would like to know is what are your Holiday wishes this year? Do you want to embark on an amazing vacation? Do you want to change careers? Do you hope to get married or have a baby this year? Do you want to get a puppy? Do you want to change you hair color or cut?

I am very interested to hear all of your holiday wishes, if you are willing to share them with me. You never know I might be able to put in a good word and turn that wish into reality!

Feel free to share your wish with me through:
A comment on this blog site
A comment on Google+
Facebook
Twitter

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Love outlives us all

If you love something, love it completely, cherish it,
Say it, but most importantly, show it. Life is finite
And fragile, and just because something is there one
Day, it might not be the next. Never take that for
Granted.

Say what you need to say, then say a little more.
Say too much. Show too much. Love too much.

Everything is temporary, but love.
Love outlives us all.

Never forget the little things in life

It's the small moments 

And memories

In life that

Make up the 

Big picture of our lives

I apologize for my extended absence from my blog.  I have had some unexpected setbacks regarding my healthcare and personal plans.  Both of which have put me in a bit of a "funk".  I've been a mess both physically and emotionally.  I had a trip planed to go back home to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving to see family and friends. I was going to spend an entire week back in my hometown!  My doctors gave me clearance and I was as gitty as a child on Christmas morning.  I was elated to be traveling back home for a traditional Thankgiving with my family and catching up with some friends!  Naturally, nothing went as planned.  I never made it home.  My health took a massive downward spiral right before we were supposed to leave.  Talk about an emotional breakdown.  I was looking forward to that trip for so long and the "rug got ripped right out from under me".  My heart broke into a million pieces.  I cried every day I was supposed to be there.  I have no clue when I will be able to get back to WI.  Knowing that is devastating as well.

Cancer has not only taken away the monumentous and extremely eventful moments in my life.  It is absolutely depressing not being able to partake in those events, but most of all I miss the "little things" in life that make life unique and personal.

I miss:

"girls nights out",

going to the mall with my gal pals

going out to dinner with family and/or friends and not throwing it all up, 

sleeping through the night, 

dancing in the rain, 

going to the movies, 

dressing up and feeling pretty(even slightly pretty)

slow dancing,

being able to RSVP definite "yes" to events,

not having to struggle to swallow food & drink,

and having the spunk back in my personality.

Sorry this post was a bit somber and melancholy.  I am slowly coming out of my state of gloom and doom.  I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!  We all have so very much to be thankful for.  I know I am unbelievably fortunate to have the most incredible people in my life.  I couldn't ask for more.  We all must remember to give thanks for all of the blessings in our live more than just once a year. 

Time

You came into my life
At a bad time
When I truly hated who I was
And what I had become
I was broken, damaged, and fading.

But you fought your way in
And you saved me

You loved me
And by doing so
You gave me the strength
To love me too

Now there's laughter in all of our days
For we have grown stronger
We have learned to push our grief away
Of every single day
For we know that tomorrow may never come
And that our goodnight may well be our last goodbye...

Our time on Earth is precious.  That is the most important life lesson I have learned. I'm so fortunate to have been given this knowledge at at young age.  We all need to take time to pamper ourselves, spend more time with family and the ones we love most.  Each and every one of us will regret it if we don't. Yes, we all need jobs to pay the bills, but we don't need jobs that ruin relationships with our significant others, our children, our friends, and so on. Balance is always a challenge to find in life, but it is absolutely worth fighting for.  Make sure your number one priority/priorities know how important they are before time takes the away.  We only get one shot at life.  Take your time, and make sure to hit that bullseye!

Live like you were dying

How does one live like they are dying when it hurts too much to do the simplest of tasks?  Walking is a challeng because of the 30-40 pounds of tumors in each of my legs, certain noises cause excruciating pain because of the excessive ringing and swooshing sounds in my ears.  Worst of all I can't enjoy the food I would like to eat.  It either makes me physically sick, or I struggle to swallow it and the pain takes over the enjoyment of a nice meal.  We must not forget all of the financial stresses and struggles life weighs us all down with.  Everything and anything comes with a price tag that seems to be going up with each passing year!  Sheesh, I sound like a world-class crybaby.  I'm sorry for complaining about my personal problems.  All of us face struggles on a daily basis.  That brings me to a question I have been pondering quite a bit lately.  Why is life so difficult for some people and a breeze for others?  I know that many people put on a facade for the world to see and it's a much different story behind the scenes.  That leads me to another question.  Why are so many of us afraid to be our "true selves".  We hide behind masks, stories, theories, reputations, family histories, etc.  We are all individuals. We should act that way.  I know it's much easier said than done.  I'm terrified of what people think of me.  If someone looks at me strangely I will feel uncomfortable for the rest of the day, or at least until I get home and take an upper...ha!

I truly envy those who love whom they are.  Those whom embrace their quirks and "march to the beat of their own drum".  Continue being unique, eccentric, eclectic, and real.  Forge forward with your message and your unwavering acceptance.  Hopefully one day the rest of the world will follow.

When Life Gets in the Way

I am sorry I have been absent lately.  Life has been throwing me many curveballs, twists, and an abundance of turns.  I'm no longer sure which way is up, or which is down.  I must admit I am terrified, incredibly anxious, hurting, both physically and mentally.  I have many decisions to make in the near future.  I could have never imagined I would be in this position at this time in my life.  I am living in a fog right now, but I am searching for clarity.  Once I find it I will return to a more often writing schedule.  I miss blogging, but I would never publish material unworthy of reading.  You all deserve better than that.  I only want to share with each of you my best.  Thank you all for your continued support and encouragement!

I would like to share some words and phrases that have inspired me.

When you have a really bad day,
Try to treat the world better than it had treated you.

Always hold on to hope.
When you feel your hope is lost find a shoulder to lean on.
You'd be surprised where you can find the love you need.

Teardrops

If I showed you my teardrops,

Would you collect them like rain,

Store them in jars,

That are labeled with "Pain",

Would you follow their tracks,

From my eyes down my cheeks,

As they write all the stories, 

I'm too scared to speak,

Would you stop them with kisses,

Bring their flow to a halt,

As you teach me that pain,

Isn't always my fault,

Would you hold my face gently,

As you dry both my eyes

And whisper the words,

"You're too precious to cry",

If I showed you my teardrops,

Would you show me your own?

And learn though we're lonely,

We are never alone.

As long as we allow love in our lives, we all have a constant companion.

Never be afraid to love and let yourself be loved.