THOUGHTS
Dawn turns to day,
As stars are dispersed;
Wherever I lay,
I think of you first.
The sun has arisen,
The sky, a sad blue.
I quietly listen,
The wind sings of you.
The thoughts we each keep,
That are closest to our hearts,
We think as we sleep,
And you're always my last thought.
CRY
I know I cry a lot,
For many reasons,
Such as, sad movies, abandoned dreams,
Songs that remind me of the past, and on
Particularly rough day most anything can
Bring on the tears. But lately, what I've been
Crying about the most is myself.
I know it is terribly selfish and insensitive to
All of those around me whom have shown me so
Much support and unconditional love.
I can't help dwelling on the person I used to be,
The person I lost, and the future I may never
Experience.
Meg,
ReplyDeleteCancer is a war as you well know. As you have documented over the years, it is composed a many battles -- some good and some bad.
You have the love and support of those around you -- and people you touch by sharing yourself and your journey here. It helps them try and get a sense of what you are battling and going through, but you are the only one "in your shoes", having to truly fight each battle.
I know we have a tendency to look at the past "way too much" (at least I do in my own life). We think of the good and want it to last forever, but the best we can do is savor those memories and work hard to create amazing new memories. When we look at the past and what we "have lost" or "could have done" it can become something that overtakes us and causes a spiraling of issues. While we can't forget the past, and we should take lessons learned from the past to make ourselves better in the future, we need to remember that the "past is the past" and no matter what we do we can't change it.
That said, at times you need to have a good "cry" and know that it isn't selfish of you. You are fighting the battles day in and day out. Crying is part of how you repair your wounds and get ready for the next battle.
So my prayer for you is that you look at who you are now and how wonderful you are and how courageous you are and the miracles around you everyday. And use that knowledge to work to create the new memories that will make you happy and give you strength to keep fighting the battles and win the war.
[Background on me: Your cousin Scott Neil is a previous co-worker of mine and I saw the link here from his Google+ page. My wife (Janey) lost her war with synovial sarcoma on 8/1/1998. My mother appears to have won the war on breast cancer (clear since 2012). I visited Janey's gravesite yesterday to have my own "cry". I need to have this every so often and there is nothing wrong with that. I then went home and planned new memories I want to make with our children (and 2 grandchildren) over the holidays.]
My prayers are with you Meg and your family. Keep fighting the good fight.
Thank you for reading my blog. Thank you for taking posts so personally and appreciating the time, effort, and the sincere truths I write about.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about your late wife. I'm sure that was the most challenging time. If you ever need to talk. I'm here to listen.
Cancer does become all-consuming. I can only imagine all of the rough days you went through. You are a very strong and admirable man for sticking through it all. I with the outcome would have been different. You and your family will always have a special place in my heart.
Peace be with you, now and always.
All my best.