Some people come into our lives and quickly become "disposable". Others enter our lives unexpectedly and leave a beautiful "stamp" behind. These "stamps" become an important part of our future. They represent the qualities and attributes of all the people in our lives that are admirable, as well as, respected. I am incredibly grateful to all of the amazing family members, friends, doctors, nurses, and acquaintances whom have "stamped" my life in so many enchanting ways.
If someone brings positivity into your life and shares their joy with you, take full advantage of it. Even if they are only in your life for a short while, be happy for the impact they made on each day spent together. Each person you meet you will forever carry a piece of them with you. You have left a "stamp" on each other's lives. The memories you share are always attainable, no matter how much time passes, the distance that may grow between you, and/or any silly disagreements that may test your relationship. We can easily summon the happy experiences whenever we want to hear each other's voices/laughs, see each other's faces, and feel each other in our hearts. We are only an introspection away.
Although life is confusing and relationships are challenging, even the bad times have silver linings. There are so many struggles along life's journey, but there is always a hand to reach out to. It is impossible to predict who that person will be during the specific time in your life, but don't be afraid to expose your vulnerability. Allow yourself to accept the help you need when you need it. You never know how much it could help and influence someone else who may be struggling. They just may need someone to come along and "stamp" their life and encourage them to fight the battle they are facing no matter how difficult the struggle may be.
Saturday, September 10, 2016
Friday, September 9, 2016
Glimmers
Over the years, I have been asked many times a series of questions time and time again; i.e. What inspires you? Who inspires you? How do you stay so positive? How can you laugh and joke around so much while your body is going through such turmoil? How can you go over to the children's hospital and have dance parties, make-over parties, arts/crafts afternoons and therapy sessions with their children's parents all while battling through your own cancer fight? My answer is quite simple.
With all of the terror, crime, political agendas, stress, depression, illness and frustration surrounding us daily, how do we keep moving forward? Why do we even bother getting out of bed in the morning? Horrific and tragic circumstances are occurring every day! It's sad, frustrating, terrifying and maddening! These appalling incidences are preventing people from going about their day-to-day lives. I can't let cancer and the complications from my cancer completely derail my life. Yes, it has drastically changed my life, but we all have to adjust to change, right?
What inspires me? What keeps me "rocking" through each day is what I have affectionately come to call the "glimmer" moments in life. That one twinkle, or on particularly "sparkly" days those moments during the day that makes me laugh unexpectedly. Not just a snicker. I'm talking a serious belly laugh from deep down inside, or a smile that lights up and awakens your soul. A wholehearted and heartwarming smile, not just a smirk. That brief period of time, that pumps life back into me and chips away at the "wall" that continually gets built up around me to protect myself from getting hurt over and over again(life has punched me in the gut repeatedly). That "glimmer" of hope, love, and a blissful future instead of the fear, anxiety and sadness that fills the majority days is what I live for. That "glimmer" allows me to escape into a euphoric daydream surrounded by the beauty and majestic artistry that is present and ever changing. Witnessing that angelic moment in time each day. That "glimmer", as I like to call it, touches not only my heart, but my soul. It is the necessary cleanse and the daily reboot I need to start each new day. It is a constant reminder for a better tomorrow not only for me, but for us all. The "glimmer" is something different for each one of us. We all prioritize our lives differently. The most important factor is that we all maintain that drive towards balance and inspiration, as well as, keeping an eye on the look out for the "glimmer" in each day. As long as I see that there is still good in the world I know there is still happiness surrounding the ones I love. In the grand scheme of it all that is first and foremost. I will do anything and everything to take away any form of negativity from my loved ones.
I truly believe that life is about the "little things" and the "glimmers" life has to offer. Those are the moments we remember forever. Each time we think about them they will bring a smile to our faces, peace within ourselves, and kindness to share with those around us. Next time you are having a stressful day, or just a bad day in general, try to see that glimmer of light ahead. I promise that it is out there even during your darkest hours.
With all of the terror, crime, political agendas, stress, depression, illness and frustration surrounding us daily, how do we keep moving forward? Why do we even bother getting out of bed in the morning? Horrific and tragic circumstances are occurring every day! It's sad, frustrating, terrifying and maddening! These appalling incidences are preventing people from going about their day-to-day lives. I can't let cancer and the complications from my cancer completely derail my life. Yes, it has drastically changed my life, but we all have to adjust to change, right?
What inspires me? What keeps me "rocking" through each day is what I have affectionately come to call the "glimmer" moments in life. That one twinkle, or on particularly "sparkly" days those moments during the day that makes me laugh unexpectedly. Not just a snicker. I'm talking a serious belly laugh from deep down inside, or a smile that lights up and awakens your soul. A wholehearted and heartwarming smile, not just a smirk. That brief period of time, that pumps life back into me and chips away at the "wall" that continually gets built up around me to protect myself from getting hurt over and over again(life has punched me in the gut repeatedly). That "glimmer" of hope, love, and a blissful future instead of the fear, anxiety and sadness that fills the majority days is what I live for. That "glimmer" allows me to escape into a euphoric daydream surrounded by the beauty and majestic artistry that is present and ever changing. Witnessing that angelic moment in time each day. That "glimmer", as I like to call it, touches not only my heart, but my soul. It is the necessary cleanse and the daily reboot I need to start each new day. It is a constant reminder for a better tomorrow not only for me, but for us all. The "glimmer" is something different for each one of us. We all prioritize our lives differently. The most important factor is that we all maintain that drive towards balance and inspiration, as well as, keeping an eye on the look out for the "glimmer" in each day. As long as I see that there is still good in the world I know there is still happiness surrounding the ones I love. In the grand scheme of it all that is first and foremost. I will do anything and everything to take away any form of negativity from my loved ones.
I truly believe that life is about the "little things" and the "glimmers" life has to offer. Those are the moments we remember forever. Each time we think about them they will bring a smile to our faces, peace within ourselves, and kindness to share with those around us. Next time you are having a stressful day, or just a bad day in general, try to see that glimmer of light ahead. I promise that it is out there even during your darkest hours.
Saturday, July 30, 2016
I'm Free
Death is never an easy subject to talk about. Some people believe if you don't talk about it nothing will happen, as if it doesn't even exists. Others believe it's like saying the word "Beetlejuice". If you say it to many times it will happen in an instant. We all have all have different "theories" and "superstitions" when it comes to death.
There are also so many "fads" to helps us stay younger longer so that we can live longer, but is it worth it? Is it worth spending hundreds, thousands, or even millions of dollars on treatments and surgeries when death is imminent? These costly procedures cannot prevent deadly illnesses, deadly accidents, murder, acts of terrorism and/or suicide.
As human beings we are meant to age. The aging process is beautiful. Every scar, wrinkle, gray hair, aching bone, etc. should be celebrated. It is the war paint we wear every day. That is something to be proud of!
Those of us whom die continue to served a purpose on this Earth. It may not always be clear, but nevertheless there was a reason why that life was taken. Sorrow and grief often overshadows this understanding for a very long time. After a while acceptance and understanding is realized. That is when the healing can commence.
No matter how it happens. No matter how young or old. No matter the last time you saw the deceased. The pain and suffering are emotions that are unavoidable.
Since being diagnosed with cancer I have witnessed and dealt with more dealth than I ever thought I would in a lifetime. It never gets easier, but I have written this poem to help me stay positive though such a sorrowful time. Maybe it can help some of you during difficult times in your life.
I'm Free
Don't grieve for me now, for I am free.
I am following the path I have laid out for myself.
I have done the best I could with what I had and what I knew,
But it was time for me to walk along another path.
It was time for me to end one journey and start anew.
I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work or play,
Leaving you is only the physical part,
I will forever stay true within your heart.
If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Yes, these things, I too will miss.
Be not burdened by times of sorrow,
I wish you all the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life has been full,
I have savored so much,
Good friends, good times, the touch of a loved one.
Perhaps my time seemed all to brief.
Please don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share it with me,
Because I am free now and I am forever with you.
There are also so many "fads" to helps us stay younger longer so that we can live longer, but is it worth it? Is it worth spending hundreds, thousands, or even millions of dollars on treatments and surgeries when death is imminent? These costly procedures cannot prevent deadly illnesses, deadly accidents, murder, acts of terrorism and/or suicide.
As human beings we are meant to age. The aging process is beautiful. Every scar, wrinkle, gray hair, aching bone, etc. should be celebrated. It is the war paint we wear every day. That is something to be proud of!
Those of us whom die continue to served a purpose on this Earth. It may not always be clear, but nevertheless there was a reason why that life was taken. Sorrow and grief often overshadows this understanding for a very long time. After a while acceptance and understanding is realized. That is when the healing can commence.
No matter how it happens. No matter how young or old. No matter the last time you saw the deceased. The pain and suffering are emotions that are unavoidable.
Since being diagnosed with cancer I have witnessed and dealt with more dealth than I ever thought I would in a lifetime. It never gets easier, but I have written this poem to help me stay positive though such a sorrowful time. Maybe it can help some of you during difficult times in your life.
I'm Free
Don't grieve for me now, for I am free.
I am following the path I have laid out for myself.
I have done the best I could with what I had and what I knew,
But it was time for me to walk along another path.
It was time for me to end one journey and start anew.
I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work or play,
Leaving you is only the physical part,
I will forever stay true within your heart.
If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Yes, these things, I too will miss.
Be not burdened by times of sorrow,
I wish you all the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life has been full,
I have savored so much,
Good friends, good times, the touch of a loved one.
Perhaps my time seemed all to brief.
Please don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share it with me,
Because I am free now and I am forever with you.
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
When one door closes, another one opens...
Sometimes you can't explain what you see in another person
It just the way they take you to another place no one else has even taken you before
You came into my life during one of the worst times
When I truly hated who I had become and the life I was living
I was no longer leading a life
I was simply going through through the motions
I was broken
I was beaten down and so badly bruised
I was so clearly damaged
I was fading fast
The end was near
But you, you fought your way in
You carried the tools to break down my protective shields
You saved me
In so many ways, you saved me
You loved me
You loved me despite all of my flaws
You didn't see them as flaws, but as beauty
You gave me the strength to love myself
Because of this powerful bond we have formed.
We would go to the ends of the Earth for each other.
Most importantly, I'm all in. I am trusting you when I fall
When I tell you I need you. You never take it lightly. That act of kindness alone means so much to me. Even though, I try everything imaginable in order to not be so dependable. I also feel I have to hold myself to a higher standard during this cancer battle. I need to be there for the family and "my" kids at the children's hospital/cancer center. I have to stay strong for all of the young boys and girls going through such a difficult illness. I have to be a shoulder to cry on for the parents(especially to explain the mumb-jumbo) the doctors spew at the families. I've been in the "game" long enough, so I better understand "doctor jargon" and "nurses chatter".
Being able to help educate, comfort, and advocate for these patients is the least I can do for these people whom have become my friends and their frightened families. I cannot show signs of my pain, struggle, weakness and fear because those emotions make me vulnerable and they will project onto those whom I'm trying to help. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me, or having pity for me.
Cancer can change any and everyone's life at any given moment.
Yes, at times I need help. I need more and more help as time goes on, but I won't allow my illness define, or stop me from enjoying the things I love.
Love the people who saw you when you were invisible to everyone else. My heart is filled with sadness for so many of the patients at the Children's hospital. Most of the kids there were born with a rare illness, cancer, etc... These children live in a hospital and get bounced around from facility to facility. They are constantly being poked and prodded. The only people the see are their parents, doctors and nurses. The should be outside playing with friends not in a hospitals hooked up to countless machines. These poor kids feel invisible. Can you imagine then only bedroom you've ever known being a hospital room?
Cancer is all consuming. There are many MANY challenging kinds, but there are many positive sides too. You just have you look a little harder for the positives. Most of the time they sneak up on you though. They are most definitely worth the wait!
P.S. Try step out of your comfort zone and get a hot stone massage. If not today, someday. Allow yourself "me" days and don't feel guilty about rechargeing your batteries, so you can be a better wife, mother, father, friend, and extended family member, etc...
Life is full of excitement if you let be!
It just the way they take you to another place no one else has even taken you before
You came into my life during one of the worst times
When I truly hated who I had become and the life I was living
I was no longer leading a life
I was simply going through through the motions
I was broken
I was beaten down and so badly bruised
I was so clearly damaged
I was fading fast
The end was near
But you, you fought your way in
You carried the tools to break down my protective shields
You saved me
In so many ways, you saved me
You loved me
You loved me despite all of my flaws
You didn't see them as flaws, but as beauty
You gave me the strength to love myself
Because of this powerful bond we have formed.
We would go to the ends of the Earth for each other.
Most importantly, I'm all in. I am trusting you when I fall
When I tell you I need you. You never take it lightly. That act of kindness alone means so much to me. Even though, I try everything imaginable in order to not be so dependable. I also feel I have to hold myself to a higher standard during this cancer battle. I need to be there for the family and "my" kids at the children's hospital/cancer center. I have to stay strong for all of the young boys and girls going through such a difficult illness. I have to be a shoulder to cry on for the parents(especially to explain the mumb-jumbo) the doctors spew at the families. I've been in the "game" long enough, so I better understand "doctor jargon" and "nurses chatter".
Being able to help educate, comfort, and advocate for these patients is the least I can do for these people whom have become my friends and their frightened families. I cannot show signs of my pain, struggle, weakness and fear because those emotions make me vulnerable and they will project onto those whom I'm trying to help. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me, or having pity for me.
Cancer can change any and everyone's life at any given moment.
Yes, at times I need help. I need more and more help as time goes on, but I won't allow my illness define, or stop me from enjoying the things I love.
Love the people who saw you when you were invisible to everyone else. My heart is filled with sadness for so many of the patients at the Children's hospital. Most of the kids there were born with a rare illness, cancer, etc... These children live in a hospital and get bounced around from facility to facility. They are constantly being poked and prodded. The only people the see are their parents, doctors and nurses. The should be outside playing with friends not in a hospitals hooked up to countless machines. These poor kids feel invisible. Can you imagine then only bedroom you've ever known being a hospital room?
Cancer is all consuming. There are many MANY challenging kinds, but there are many positive sides too. You just have you look a little harder for the positives. Most of the time they sneak up on you though. They are most definitely worth the wait!
P.S. Try step out of your comfort zone and get a hot stone massage. If not today, someday. Allow yourself "me" days and don't feel guilty about rechargeing your batteries, so you can be a better wife, mother, father, friend, and extended family member, etc...
Life is full of excitement if you let be!
Friday, June 10, 2016
Live it up!!
There are things you'd love to hear
That you will never hear from the person whom you'd like to hear them from
But don't be so deaf as to not hear it from the ones whom say it from the heart.
All too often we get caught up in our own thoughts and what we "believe" we want that we don't qrealize the incredible things going on around us in the moment. Time is precious. We mustn't wait for the possibility of a "pipe dream" come true. We must live in the moment. Often times it proves to be the right choice.
Life isn't about waiting around watching the time go by, it's about living life! Get out there and LIVE!
That you will never hear from the person whom you'd like to hear them from
But don't be so deaf as to not hear it from the ones whom say it from the heart.
All too often we get caught up in our own thoughts and what we "believe" we want that we don't qrealize the incredible things going on around us in the moment. Time is precious. We mustn't wait for the possibility of a "pipe dream" come true. We must live in the moment. Often times it proves to be the right choice.
Life isn't about waiting around watching the time go by, it's about living life! Get out there and LIVE!
Sparkle
I know that you don't think you're beautiful.
But maybe that's because
You never get to see your eyes light up the way I do.
Like when you're watching your favorite movie, or listening to your favorite song.
Your eyes sparkle brighter than diamonds, and your face glissen with joy.
You never get to see how beautifully blissful you look.
You always tell me that you must look ridiculous singing along to the radio in the card, or cutting to movie quotes in everyday conversations.
What you don't see.
What you don't understand is that all of those moments make up who you are.
All of those moments, all that sparkle, made me fall in love with you.
I wouldn't have it any other way....
But maybe that's because
You never get to see your eyes light up the way I do.
Like when you're watching your favorite movie, or listening to your favorite song.
Your eyes sparkle brighter than diamonds, and your face glissen with joy.
You never get to see how beautifully blissful you look.
You always tell me that you must look ridiculous singing along to the radio in the card, or cutting to movie quotes in everyday conversations.
What you don't see.
What you don't understand is that all of those moments make up who you are.
All of those moments, all that sparkle, made me fall in love with you.
I wouldn't have it any other way....
Friday, May 20, 2016
25 More
I have no idea why, but I have been formally requested to post another list of 25 things you may, or may not know about me. My "old lady gang" paid a tech at the hospital to send me an email because they don't know how to use the "fakakta" (their words, not mine) computer. Ha! I miss that crazy bunch of oldies! This one is for you ladies! Hanoe Hobn!!!!
1. I am obsessed with flossing, like psycho obsessed. Sometimes I floss for 20 minutes or more!
2. I believe I am a rock star in the shower. I belt out tunes, dance like I actually have rhythm, and perform choreography from dance videos(well attempt).
3. I love taking pictures, but hate being in pictures...especially with the whole cancer deal. I always feel puffy, pale, ugly, and sickly.
4. I LOVE hugs! The big bear hugs. The kind where you just feel engulfed in love and warm. They are genuine and you never want them to end! I could hug like that all day long, even with strangers, but I think I would probably get put on some kind of watch list or something.
5. I have always wanted to "try my hand" at stand-up comedy, but I'm too afraid I'd get booed off the stage.
6. I'm not sure where we all go after this life, but if we have a choice I'm going to hang around as a spirit and freak all ya'll out(not in a mean way, a funny way)! 😉
7. Number 6 kind of proves that I'm an ass...eek 😬
8. I'm an old school kind of chick. I still write out most of my notes, lists, etc with pen and paper. I write in a personal journal. I'm like an old person on a computer. I can do minimal activities without assistance.
10. One of my favorite songs of all time is "Sherry" by Franky Valli.
11. I HATE overhead lighting and overly bright lamps. Soft lighting is the perfect lighting. Eww, that makes me sound like some kind of porno director! I'm not. Again, I promise!
12. I enjoy wearing sandals, but walking around with bare feet totally freaks me out!
13. I know I talk a lot about individuality and being your own person, but in truth I am a very envious person. I hide my jealousy because I am genuinely happy for my family and friends, but inside I must admit I am covetous. I am also furious at my health for taking so much from me and not allowing me to reach all my goals.
14. Every since I was a little kid I have had to have a cherry dip cone from Dairy Queen. It's been part of my summer tradition for years.
15. It makes me sound like I'm 5, but I collect Hello Kitty stuffed animals wearing t-shirts from cities I've had to travel to for treatments, or where we have lived.
16. I get a new tattoo every year for my birthday. I have 12, so far.
17. Robert Frost, Ansel Adams, and Count Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy are 3 of the most influential men I believe have ever lived. I am inspired by them everyday.
18. I sincerely love volunteering at children's hospitals and with the elderly. I only wish I could do more for all those whom are suffering.
19. My biggest fear is that I will die at a young age( fairly soon, unfortunately ), and I will never succeed at anything in my lifetime.
20. My favorite drink in the world is chai tea, iced or hot. I could drink 10 glasses a day, I swear!
21. I despise the color navy blue. Don't ask me why, I just don't like the color...except for my Mark Teixeira t-shirt. Go Yanks!!
22. I have never been able to sit through an entire Badger sporting event because I get such anxiety I have to walk away for a while and calm down...haha! I'm a mess!
23. I am terrified of birds! They totally creep me out! I never remember liking them, but the major turning point was when we visited Alcatraz and a seagull crapped on my brand new shirt and in my eye! It was horrible and devestating! I am still scarred by it to this day!
24. My favorite perfumes are Acqua di Gio by Armani and Daisy Dream by Marc Jacobs.
25. Most people don't know how spontaneous I am, but I rarely shy away from trying anything new. Life is too short not to have fun!!
Hofenung ayer gliklekh ( Hope your happy) old lady gang! I miss you ladies! I'm sorry to the rest of you for unfortunately learning more random stuff about me. Hopefully some of it was at least humorous!! Cheers!!
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
The Hurt and the Healing
Someday, we'll forgive the hurt. The reason we cried, and caused us so much pain. We will finally realize that the secret of being free is not revenge. We must let things resolve in their own way on their own time.
After all, what matters is not the first chapter, but the last chapter of our life which shows how well we ran this "race" we call life.
So, smile, laugh, forgive, believe, and love all over again.
Forgiveness is not something we do for other people.
We do it for ourselves to get well and move on to a happier, more successful life!!!!!!
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