Sometimes you can't explain what you see in another person
It just the way they take you to another place no one else has even taken you before
You came into my life during one of the worst times
When I truly hated who I had become and the life I was living
I was no longer leading a life
I was simply going through through the motions
I was broken
I was beaten down and so badly bruised
I was so clearly damaged
I was fading fast
The end was near
But you, you fought your way in
You carried the tools to break down my protective shields
You saved me
In so many ways, you saved me
You loved me
You loved me despite all of my flaws
You didn't see them as flaws, but as beauty
You gave me the strength to love myself
Because of this powerful bond we have formed.
We would go to the ends of the Earth for each other.
Most importantly, I'm all in. I am trusting you when I fall
When I tell you I need you. You never take it lightly. That act of kindness alone means so much to me. Even though, I try everything imaginable in order to not be so dependable. I also feel I have to hold myself to a higher standard during this cancer battle. I need to be there for the family and "my" kids at the children's hospital/cancer center. I have to stay strong for all of the young boys and girls going through such a difficult illness. I have to be a shoulder to cry on for the parents(especially to explain the mumb-jumbo) the doctors spew at the families. I've been in the "game" long enough, so I better understand "doctor jargon" and "nurses chatter".
Being able to help educate, comfort, and advocate for these patients is the least I can do for these people whom have become my friends and their frightened families. I cannot show signs of my pain, struggle, weakness and fear because those emotions make me vulnerable and they will project onto those whom I'm trying to help. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me, or having pity for me.
Cancer can change any and everyone's life at any given moment.
Yes, at times I need help. I need more and more help as time goes on, but I won't allow my illness define, or stop me from enjoying the things I love.
Love the people who saw you when you were invisible to everyone else. My heart is filled with sadness for so many of the patients at the Children's hospital. Most of the kids there were born with a rare illness, cancer, etc... These children live in a hospital and get bounced around from facility to facility. They are constantly being poked and prodded. The only people the see are their parents, doctors and nurses. The should be outside playing with friends not in a hospitals hooked up to countless machines. These poor kids feel invisible. Can you imagine then only bedroom you've ever known being a hospital room?
Cancer is all consuming. There are many MANY challenging kinds, but there are many positive sides too. You just have you look a little harder for the positives. Most of the time they sneak up on you though. They are most definitely worth the wait!
P.S. Try step out of your comfort zone and get a hot stone massage. If not today, someday. Allow yourself "me" days and don't feel guilty about rechargeing your batteries, so you can be a better wife, mother, father, friend, and extended family member, etc...
Life is full of excitement if you let be!
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