A Wink and a Smile

You can't just give up on someone because the situation's not ideal.

Great relationships aren't great because they have no problems.

They're great because both people care enough about the other person

To find a way to make it work.

No matter how close, or how far away you are from friends and family, true relationships never end.  There will be plenty of rough patches along the road, but there will be many positive moments, as well.

The pain, the struggles, the abundance of tears, extreme exhaustion, constant fear, the medications, and all of the side effects from my treatments, my surgeries, infections are the "icing on the cake", or in my case, a glob of gum stuck to my shoe.  Gross!! I know!! Through all of those unbearable tests, I knew I always had my family and friends supporting me.  They may have been many miles away, but they were with me in spirit and in my heart.  Without that out-pouring love and strength I would have never had the courage, or endurance to maintain my cancer fight.

I must admit that when I first got my diagnosis I thought I would go through treatments, start some new medications, and within a few months to a year of enduring cancer I would healthy again.  I was going to follow my doctor's orders to eliminate the cancer and I would possibly have to go through some rehabilitation in order to return to a "normal" life.  After that...Bing, Bang, Boom I would have kicked cancer's ass!!  Obviously I was wrong. 

Fighting cancer for six( and counting ), certainly takes a toll on a girl.  My energy level is at an all-time low.  I have to miss so many occasions, gatherings, parties, and even my weekly Target trip is a struggle( oh how I love me some Target).  Most of all I miss being so far away from my incredible family and all of my life-long friends.  The perfect example is that recently I had to miss the wedding of one of my dearest friends.  I tirelessly fought my health and my doctors to give me the go ahead to travel back to WI to see my beautiful friend marry her the love of her life, and her best friend.  I am still devastated that I couldn't be there to celebrate such a momentous event in a girl's lifetime.

I have never been the type of girl whom shows her emotions in public settings. I would rather be a fly on the wall than the center of attention.  I prefer to keep my tears and intimate feelings for when I'm alone, or with my closest of friends.  It's like night and day...get me alone for a one-on-one, in a small group setting I'll babble on for hours.  Seriously, people have to remind me to drink because I haven't shut my yapper for like 45 minutes!  Ha!!  Lately things have changed and I've been crying everywhere I go.  When friends and family ask about my health, I cry.  When I look through old pictures, I cry.  When someone wants to go out for a meal, I cry because it's a waste of money for me to go. I will just end up vomiting it all up, usually even before we leave the restaurant.  Sorry, I know that was gross, but it's true.  When I see photos and posts uploaded by my friends and family I get extremely jealous and envious.  I, of course, am so very happy that my friends and family members are doing well and basking in success!  I just wish I had that opportunity myself.  I  constantly feel worthless, sickly, like a financial burden, and a puffy hot mess(For real, I'm sure people are thinking "Is that the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man"?)  Those are difficult feelings to address and overcome.  They are always lingering.  

Besides feeling hideous and insecure everyday, my stomach is always in knots.  The churning in my stomach is not only from my illness, it is also brought on by guilt, shame, uncertainty and paralyzing fear.  Most of all my stomach and brain are always reeling because I don't know how much time I have left of my life. Do I have days, weeks, years?  How much longer will this torture continue?  Why was I chosen to to live life this way?  What did I do to deserve all of this pain and anguish.  I have/could ask these questions for years and never get a straight answer.  I try not to dwell on the questions anymore, like I used to, but those feelings still enter my mind regularly.  I no longer wallow in self pity, but I can most certainly get lost and become preoccupied by the "what ifs" and frustration of the situation.

I want to live a long full life.  I want to go back to the fun-loving, silly, and carefree days I used to enjoy.  I do have "good" days during this portion of my life.  Unfortunately they are few and far between, but I am a super lucky girl that I continue to have these joyful days!  They are a spectacular pick-me-up after endless treatments and time spent in the hospital.

Life, in general, is challenging for all of us (well most of us).  We never know what each new day will bring.  My motto is to find something to celebrate on everyday.  No matter how you choose to celebrate is in the "eye of the beholder".  It can be something small like splurging on a tasty treat, or going on a vacation!  We all need  a break from the daily grind from time-to-time.  Life is much too short to spend every second dealing with work and other various responsibilities.  Of course, those factors are important and need to be addressed, but we all need time to take a step back sometimes and decompress.  Guaranteed the mess, the stress, the frustration, the bills and any/all emotional hardships will still be there after taking a few moments to yourself, but taking the time to breath and relax for a few moments will vastly improve your well-being.  Allowing yourself to slow down a bit and regroup will also bring clarity and a calmer demeanor which, in turn, will provide for a more productive evening/weekend.  That also means you will have more time to spend with family and friends.  Nothing trumps quality time with loved ones.  ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!

Each treatment I have, every time I get poked and prodded by needles, each scan performed, every awful drink (barium) I have had to choke down, and sporting the beauty of a hospital gown (or my moo-moo as I tend to call it) is all worth it.  As long as I can continue to making such joyful memories and life-long friendships, I will happily be a human pin cushion and a "regular" at the hospital.  

There is and elderly man at the cancer that tells me over and over again that I am like Norm from Cheers.  I make quite an entrance when I walk through those hospital doors and everyone knows Meg has arrived.  His name is Augustus, but everyone calls him Auggie.  It's such a heartwarming feeling when fellow patients are just as excited to see you as you are to them.  If I have time I stop and I'll swap stories with the adorable oldies before I head back for my treatments.  If I don't have time to chat I always make sure to walk by them and give them a wink and a smile.  They love it!  They are so stinkin' cute!!  I'm always all bubble when I walk into my treatment area.  The technicians, nurses and doctors used to always question why I looked so happy as I walked into my radiation session.  Now they all know it's because of my precious friends I see the minute I walk through the hospital doors.  I wouldn't have it any other way!

Life Lesson Learned

We have all heard at some point in our lives that "laughter is the best medicine". It's not that I don't currently believe that, or haven't believed it in the past.  I love to laugh and crack jokes.  In fact, being silly and "goofing" around is a common occurrence in my life.  It makes me happy to see others laughing and enjoying funny moments.  I also use humor as a defense mechanism when I am nervous, anxious, scared, in pain and/or feeling depressed.  It amazes me how quickly and successfully a hearty chuckle can increase one's mood.  A challenging and difficult situation can easily be turned into wonderful day instead of an unpleasant period of time with a little humor.  No pill, or other medication can relieve stress and tension quite like partaking in witty banter and/or innocent shenanigans.

Due to my health, it's obvious that I don't get out much.  My life consists of hospital visits, doctor's appointments, intense treatment schedules, and as much rest as possible.  Pretty boring, right?  I can testify with absolute certainty that it's not much of an existence.  I have often considered ending my own life.  Sometimes suicide seems like the best solution during this extremely difficult time in my life.  The burden I bestow upon my husband, my family, my friends, and my medical staff would be resolved.  I would no longer be the origin of stress and frustration in the lives of those I love, respect and admire.  Right now I am worthless and contribute nothing to the world and/or the lives of others.  It's sad, but true.

I was fortunate enough to recently attend a comedy show.  The comedian is a hilarious fella my husband and I thought would be super fun to see in person.  The tickets were reasonably priced, so my hubby and I splurged on a night out.  There are numerous fun activities and entertainment the hubs and I have be forced to miss due to the poor state of my health.  It was exhilarating to have a night out on the town with my love instead of being at home nursing one of my many ailments.

The show confirmed the popular adage that laughter is the BEST medicine!!  It was so refreshing to spend the night enjoying life instead of fearing it, worrying about all my medical problems, getting physically sick over the possibilities of what issues I might encounter during the course of the comedian's set, and passing on a delightful night out.  This time I refused to succumb to my illness and instead I embraced lovely night!

I let go of all my negative thoughts and ignored the pain to the best of my ability, in order to take a break from the constant depression and anxiety cancer has brought to my life.  I indulged and basked in hearty laughter, the company of other fans, and pushed my cancer aside for as long as I could.

It is beyond fantastic that humor is universal and can penetrate through even the most difficult struggles life throws at us.

It's a shame that comedy cannot cure any physical or mental illnesses, but it can lessen and potentially numb all of one's aches and pains for a period of time.  I would gladly trade stomach cramps, watery eyes and/or fatigued face muscles from smiling/laughing all day and every day to avoid the horrific side effects of cancer.

Doctors, nurses and other members of the medical field are extraordinarily valuable members of society.  They have chosen a noble and honorable profession.  I appreciate, commend, respect, and admire the men and women that treat and heal patients battling an array of medical obstacles and conditions.  Without the dedication of these men and women many people would be forced to suffer, agonize and endure an abundance of medical troubles.  I am so very grateful for said men and women.  They ease the physical pain and cure us of many health concerns.  I cannot express my deepest gratitude to the community of healthcare professionals for all of the services they provide.  Unfortunately being sick takes a toll on us not only physically, but mentally, as well.  That is why we must take care of our mental stability individually.  Laughter is therapeutic. It not only provides an escape from our worries and internal struggles, laughter brings joy to our hearts and restores the passion in our souls. Doctors and nurses can only do so much.  We have to find outside sources of healing in order to clear many medical "hurdles" we will encounter throughout our lives.  What is better than allocating time to spend with family and friends?  Sharing love and laughs is the best way I have found to rejuvenate the body and prepare for any situations that come our way.

In honor of one of most adorable, supportive and delightful ladies I have the pleasure of being a part of my life.  I am going to sign off with the mantra she always reminds me to live by...Laugh, Dance and Believe 

I will continue living by these words as long as possible my precious Sherry Zuhlke! xoxo

The Sunny Side of the Street

I have been pondering life and death more now than I ever have.  As many of you know, I am not afraid of death.  I have come to the understanding and have accepted that I will likely parish at a younger-ish age.  I already feel like a 90 year old woman most days. The pain is relentless, and sucks most of the life out of me. Please don't take this as a complaint. I know it could be worse. I have witness much worse.  It is heartbreaking to watch everyone around me suffering.  That is no way to avoid the inevitable, but just sitting around and waiting for death is wildly absurd and depressing.  The sadness and torture radiates through your family and friends.  Cancer is a wide spread disease.  Your loved ones are suffering right along side you.  The situation is a bit of a "Catch 22".  You want your family and friends enjoy their lives, but the envy is boiling over inside.  I can rarely muster up the strength to crawl out of bed each day only to go through a slue of tests, doctor's visits, treatments and procedures.  These past two months have been extraordinarily difficult.  For the first time since my diagnosis, I want to give up and "throw in the towel"...if you will.

My entire body hurts daily.  I become physically ill...i.e. The bubble guts, vomiting, fainting and extreme fatigue.  I cannot make plans further than one day in advance because I don't know what my health will spring on me at anytime.  I have ruined many nights for my husband and other family members, I have had to miss concerts/sporting events, I have had to cancel dinners with friends, I'm forced to be absent at vacations, forgo my plans of traveling and many, MANY other plans due to my health woes.  My spirit crushes each time I am unable attend such wonderful life events.  

I will be the first person standing up to badmouth and berate this horrible disease and all the the side effects of the entire cancer process.  I would gladly give up everything I own to be cancer-free.  I don't just want my cancer taken away, but all of the serious/deadly illnesses that affect millions of people everyday. We only have this ONE life to live. I want to make the most of time on this Earth, instead of struggling to just to "keep afloat".

I know I sound outlandishly bitter and like a royal pain in the bum, but I still remember the important things in life.  In fact, cancer has made me view life much clearer.  I know what my priorities are whom I want to be surrounded by.  Cancer has allowed me to strengthen those bonds, as well as, to cherish every moment of everyday.  The smallest gestures often express the most generosity.  

Be true to yourselves. Do not give into the "norm".  Follow your heart's desires.  We ALL deserve to be a part of guiding our destiny along our chosen path.  No matter which path you choose there will continue to be unexpected twist and turns. Without them life wouldn't be worth living. Every once in a while chaos snaps us back to reality. It keeps our heart's pumping and adrenaline coursing through our veins. Without a little spit-fire in our lives keeping us on our toes, life would become mundane and even boring.

This verse from one of my songs perfectly reflects what I feel.
 "Grab your coat and get your hat

Leave your worries on the doorstep

Life can be so sweet

On the sunny side of the street"

This quote also has so much meaning.

“When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.” - Ansel Adams

Never lose that drive and energy that makes you excited for each new day.  You never know when a miracles may come true, or a prayer may be answered.  

Even when that water seems too deep..."Just Keep Swimming"

Simple acts of kidness

I recently met a new patient at the Cancer center.  He is very shy, anxious and extremely introverted.  All of the doctors and nurses have had trouble getting to know him, and finding a way to connect with him.  He has not made any friends with the other children, and gets frightened by the doctors and nurses.  He clings on to his parents and spends hours working through puzzle books.  He goes through them page after page without missing a beat.  One day he ran out of ink in his pen.  He was incredibly distraught. His parents were at work, and he refused to use a pen from the nurses station because he struggles with germ-a-phobia.  I could see the nervousness and unsettling feelings he was experiencing.  I have been in that situation more times than I have EVER wanted to be, or admit.  I knew he needed find his "safety net".  He needed a sense of familiarity.  Many times that is the most soothing form of treatment.  I know when I am on the verge of a panic attack I take out my phone as look at pictures of my boys(my fur-babies).  The adorable photos and memories that come with the pictures help me relax.  I knew that I needed to bring this boy the sense of familiarity and comfort back to him.

That day after my treatments I asked my medi-van driver if he could take me to the nearest art/book store.  I was on a mission to bring a smile to this young boy's face.  He has just begun undergoing difficult treatments, he's scared and confused by the entire process.  I couldn't let him sit there with tears running down his checks and succumbing to the terrible pains of cancer.  I had my driver take me to the store.  I scoured every aisle looking for similar puzzle boos, and adding a few new ones to the mix for him to try.  I also brought him a brand new pack of multicolored pens.  They were completely sanitary and he had an array of color choices. 

When I returned back to the children's hospital I found him in the same seat he was sitting in before I left for store.  He was now sitting motionless with his had down on the table.  I knew he was waiting for his parents to come visit him after work.  I was uncertain if I should wait for their arrival, but I couldn't watch this sad and lonely boy any longer.  I gently approached him and introduced myself.  I explained to him that I too was going through cancer treatments and I know how challenging they can be.  I then told him that I wanted to be there for him whenever he needed a friend.  At that point he lifted his head from the table and looked straight into my eyes.  He then said something unexpected and wise beyond his years.  He told me that the light in my eyes showed strength, integrity and determination.  He also told me that the "water"(tears) in my eyes showed compassion and undeniable love.  I was floored by the way he expressed himself and the remarkable insight this young boy possessed.  He then asked what I saw in his eyes.  I took a moment to analyze his stunningly gorgeous eyes.  I asked him if I could hold his hand.  He was reluctant at first, but I had gained some trust, so he gently placed his hand in mine.  I embraced his hand and gazed into his sparkling eyes.  I told him I saw innocence, bravery, fear, and hope in his eyes.  

We both began to tear up.  We had made an honest an irreversible bond in such a short time frame.  I have always been told that I have an old soul.  I was never sure exactly what that meant until I met Silas.  He opened up my eyes to a new stage of cancer and life in general.  He brought back the hope and will to continue fighting my cancer battle, not only for myself, but for everyone battling a life threatening illness and for all their loved ones.  We must live for the day, and do what makes us happy and escape the fact that we have cancer (at least for a while).  I'll be the first one to say that I have hit many rock bottoms during my cancer struggle, but I somehow find a way to crawl out and start anew.  

After having the heart-to-heart with Silas, I brought out his surprise.  I gave him tools to use to express himself through art.  I brought him a bunch of new puzzle books, and a brand new packs of uncontaminated pens, colored pencils and crayons.  He was elated!  A simple gesture brightened his day.  I now restock his activity books every few weeks.  Seeing the smile on his face continues to melt my heart.  Every moment with him is unforgettable and an exceptionally rewarding gift.

Silas is very introverted and has difficultly talking to anyone but his immediate family.  Recently, he has let me in a little bit at a time.  He has short conversations with me and never hesitates to asks me to help him when he gets stuck on a problem in his puzzle books.  He even has given me a couple hugs along our friendship journey.  Giving me hugs was a huge accomplished for him.  I am beyond lucky to have been able break through his tough facade and get to know him on a more personal level.

Getting through to him has changed my life and warmed my heart.  It all starts with random acts of kindness. We all have the capacity within us to brighten someone's day.  Share the love!

The girl behind the mask

The pain...it hurts

I wish I could say I am okay

But that would be a lie

I am too tired to function properly

I struggle through each day...

Some days I resort to wishing for death

I feel so alone most of the time

I feel like no one understands

I am broken inside

I barely even have the will to live

I no longer have control of my life

Cancer dictates my every move

So, I put on a brave face

In my mask...I can hide.

At least for a while...

Hello Gorgeous!

I am so very sorry it has been so long since my last post.  Life has had me on one heck of a roller-coaster lately.  I'm sure many, if not all, of you can relate.  Just when you feel that the chaos is easing, that's when your realize it was only the "calm before the storm".  Luckily, I have the love and support of my incredible family, my fantastic friends, as well as, the knowledge of the hospital staff and fellow patients.  Knowing I can count on these wonderful people whom have surrounded themselves around me and will uproot their own lives in order to better mine, is humbling.  From simple gestures to grandiose declarations of encouragement, each of those moments have touched my heart and have greatly impacted my life.  I will never know how to thank you all enough, or pay you all back for the years of struggles, hardships, breakdowns, peaks and valleys each one of you have helped me navigate my way through.  I often feel guilty, like a troublesome mess, and a source of extreme burden to all those whom over-extend themselves to alleviate my pain and suffering.  My illness continuously prevents me from "returning the favor", or "paying it forward". I desperately want to enhance the lives of those around me and those whom have cared for me over the years, but more often than not, my plan back-fires before I can take action to show my appreciation.  My endless amount of health issues make me feel worthless, prevent me from participating in activities I long to be a part of, and tamper with the gestures of appreciation I wish to acknowledge for all the kind sentiments the lovely people in my life have expressed to me.  Although my opulent ideas and goals far to often "crash and burn". The love is never lost.

My mom and my second mom(my best friends mom) recently traveled to New York for a short visit.  They drove hours upon hours in the car, dealt with travel expenses, and took time away from their busy lives just to come and see me. I do not feel that I warrant such generosity.  I must admit that having them with me warms my heart and soul.  They travel hours to check-in on me and convey their support without any expectations from me.  How many of us can say that they have had any friends and/or family members visit without presuming they will be rewarded for taking time away from their lives to spend with us?  Many people in my life (my supposed friends and/family) make promises and organize get-togethers that never come to fruition.  I have been told many times that "I'm not doing my part" when it comes to a friendship, or other types of relationships.  I have been called exhausting, annoying, frustration and humiliating by people I thought were my friends/family.  I am sorry if the fact that I have cancer interferes with my so called "friends" lives.  I'm sorry I am such an embarrassment.  I'm sorry that I am unable to accommodate all of my friends/families "needs".  I can barely afford the medication I need to maintain/improve my cancer.  Believe me, if I could I would spoil all of the wonderful people in my life!  All of those whom have been their since day one of my cancer diagnosis.  Those whom have displayed genuine concern everyday since I've found that I have a serious illness.  There are a few main groups of people that have formed since finding out about my cancer diagnosis.  These groups include; the bum-loser types, the outrageously inquisitive types, the smothering types, the people whom want nothing to do with me, as if I had a plague, and those whom have expressed authentic involvement during this difficult time in my life.  That is a huge part of what made my mom's and momma J's trip so much fun and beautifully memorable.  Sharing stories, crying, laughing, embracing one another, and simply enjoying each other's company is truly the best gift I could ever ask for, and the gift I can promise to ALWAYS share.  Life is about the journey and the memories made along the way.  The simplest acts of kindness often provide the most impact.  The material gifts, and recognizing the pity in the eyes of everyone that is informed about my state is health are all just distractions from facing the facts.  I have cancer.  I am sick and I don't know how long I will be fighting this battle.  The one thing I do know, and I can proudly say is, that cancer does not define me!!  My appearance may rapidly change, my illness will lead me down many curvy/bumpy roads, but my heart and soul are still in tact.  Clearly enduring a long bout of cancer comes with many physical limitations and no longer allows me to be impulsive or spontaneous, but my heart holds the same compassion and sincerity as always.  I welcome new experiences with a clear mind and an open heart.  Every moment of the day is treasured and I am enthusiastic when it comes to trying a new activity.  Life is too short.  Whether the new day brings extravagance and thrills, or it is filled with simple pleasures, we should always acknowledge the joy brought into our lives, and the happiness we may encounter along life's crazy ride.

Since moving to the Syracuse area, I have met dozens of doctors and nurses.  The medical professional's hours and shifts vary from week to week.  I have to admit that is difficult for me.  I love people, in general, and I relish the idea of getting to know those around me on a more personal level.  It continues to surprise me when I discover the many similarities and connections some of the nurses/fellow patients and I have in common.  For instance their is an adorable nurse at the cancer center who loves Barbara Streisand almost as much as I do!  Her favorite movie Babs ever stared in is also my favorite.  "Funny Girl" is a legendary in my house hold.  After we found out about our mutual love for "Funny Girl" every time she enters my room she says "Hello Gorgeous" exactly how Babs recites it in the beginning of the movie.  Even though I know it's coming, it never fails to put a smile on my face.  That is the perfect example of embracing the simple pleasures life sends our way.  A minuscule phrase such as that would easily be lost and forgotten about within minutes to most of the population.  I consider myself lucky to be where I'm at in my life.  I'm sure most of you are questioning how I could think of a cancer diagnosis as a stroke of fortune, but without having to deal with such intense medical issues I have been forced to evaluate my life from a completely different point of view.  My life has slowed down drastically since I have become ill.  I have the time to cherish the intimate, natural, uncomplicated, effortless, and indearing moments that occur each day.  I am no longer letting my life pass me by.  Yes, I regularly worry about financial issues, my health woes, and the strain I put on my family and friends, but reflecting upon even the smallest gifts of generosity make my life worth living.  

Cancer can undoubtedly destroy the lives of many in an instant, if you let it.  I allowed myself to succumb to the fear, the horrible stories of life with cancer, and the deep depression of an uncertain future during my first year of treatments.  That lifestyle didn't suit me.  My cancer may wreak havoc on/inside my body.  It may interfere with planned daily adventures, vacations, or getaways.  My cancer will most likely end my life much sooner than later, but knowing that makes me a better person.  I can be my "true self" everyday. I refuse to be pushed aside, ignored, taken advantage of, or bury my emotions.  My laughter, my tears, my anxieties, my courage, my strength, my weaknesses, my excitement, my craziness, my pain and my fight are all genuine.  The emotions and reactions I experience each day come from deep within.  There is no room for sugar-coating, denial, tip-toeing around difficult subject matter, or pity in my daily routine.  I have too many smiles to put on the faces of all whom I may encounter, too much love to spread, too much determination, and too many supporters in my life to let the negativity invade my mindset, as well as, my ultimate goal to win this war between mind and body, cancer and survival.  You can continue to push me down, cancer, but I will never stop tirelessly "stepping up to the plate". I will not quit as long as there are options out there for me to try.  You can kick me when I'm down, but I refuse to stay down for long.  This is a fight to the death and I intend on emerging victorious!  All the while remembering to keep the hope alive, love intensely, and never being afraid to dance to my own tune.  We only have one chance at life.  Wasting it away has, and will never be an option! 

Our lives are fragile.  We cannot predict which type of path the future holds for us.  The one thing I do know is that staying positive will make the trail easier to navigate, and the future worth fighting for.

Embrace life best suited for you

Be soft

Do not let the world make you hard 

Do no let the pain make you hate 

Do no let the bitterness

Steel your sweetness

Take pride that even though

The rest of the world

May disagree, you still believe it

To be the MOST beautiful place

You find the place to reflect apon the past, and steer towards the wide open abyss.

Our lives, our loves, our future awaits

Life is too short. We never know what lies ahead of us. Celebrate accomplishments with the ones you love, and every once in a while, take a leap of faith.  Fall in love again with people, places, music, and all the simple things in life.

Savor the moments worth making last.
Shrugg off the the bad, and embrace all possibilities.
Trust your instincts, more often than not, they lead you in the most successful direction.

Excuse the cliche, but your future is there, waiting for you!

Thank you

I don't know how to say this,
but I thank you very much
for always being there for me.
Your gentle, friendly touch, and level-headed mind set can always heal me.

You've help me achieve my goals
and stop the actions I will regret.
You helped me through the hardest of times, many of which will never be known by anyone but you
Thank you

You listened to my problems
in a kind, loving and caring way without an sound of judgement

Truth be told, I would not be alive this day without your love and support.
I may not be smiling on the oustide today, but you are providing healing energy from the inside out. 

Thank you

I trust you with my secrets
that no one has been told.
I trust you with my feelings
and in my heart, your words of advice I will cherish even when I become old and gray

I will take these words to my grave.

Thank you

I love you