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I get asked the same question day-after-day.  "Do you ever feel like giving up"?  My answer has always been.  "Of course".  I have never met anyone who enjoys, or chooses to be sick.  Be it the common cold, or a serious, life-threating illness.  Feeling less than 100% can turn anyone's life upside down.  Luckily, most people start feeling better after a day, or two.  When illness completely consumes your life, and the timeline of said sickness turns to months, and/or years, it's difficult to continue fighting.  It becomes harder and harder to remain positive, and to not entertain the idea of throwing in the towel.  

I believe the most challenging part of having cancer is how it affects those around me.  I am not a typical 28 year old girl.  I can't work, and I often have to cancel plans, or decline invitations due to my health.  Up until I was diagnosed with such an awful disease, I was a social butterfly.  I have always loved being around people at parties, events, or at lunch with a friends.  Interaction with family and friends is extremely important to me.  These interactions, like many other aspects of my life were put through the ringer as a result of my changing lifestyle.  After my first diagnosis four years ago, my social life got pushed aside.  Healthcare, and my illness became my main focus.  I lost many friends because I was no longer the girl they knew.  The person inside of me didn't change, but I could no longer live life as a carefree 24 year old.  It was evident that I was unable to attend as many social gatherings as I did before learning of my cancer.  Most of my friends did not understand the gravity, and seriousness of my diagnosis.  I was forging along a much different path than most 24 year old.  I would be lying if I said that it didn't cause me a lot of emotional distress.  I was mourning the loss of my friends, and embarking upon a difficult new chapter in my life.  Many ties were severed, but those who truly love me stood behind me, and remain supportive as I continue on this journey.  

The strength of my family and friends who have been traveling along this road with me, is incredible.  I know that it is far from easy to contend with all of my health issues.  It is amazing knowing that no matter what time of day, or how busy they may be, those closest to me will drop everything to be by my side.  Over these past four years, I have witnessed the absolute power, and strength of love.  Seeing the pain on the faces of those around me as I go through treatments, surgeries, procedures, and everyday difficulties of life is heartbreaking.  I hate seeing my loved ones hurting.  On the other hand, every challenge they endure with me comes with reward.  They are right there by my side as I clear each hurdle thrown my way.  Seeing the smiles on their faces, and hearing the joy in their voices is unbelievably heartwarming.  Knowing I have people around me who will dig me out of my lowest of lows, and celebrate every high with me is more than I could ever ask for.  

I continue to mourn the loss of friendships over the years, but I no longer let the sadness consume me.  It is as much their loss, as it is mine.  I will reminisce about the happiness shared with them, but that is all.  I cannot live in the past.  That will get me nowhere.  I will move forward, living in the moment, and embracing the day with those most important to me.  Whether they know it, or not, my family and friends keep me jumping through the many hoops my illness throws at me.  I would be lost without them because, everyday they save my life.