Cancer changes us all...

I'm sure you are all very busy with your own everyday life routines and necessities. I would never want to add any extra stress, or burden to your lives in any way. I would like to offer a proposal. I suggest that on days we have "free" time, or can allocate some "personal" time, we take full advantage of the rare occasion. It's surprising how revitalizing it can be taking a few moments to read a newspaper articles, in its entirety, or the entire newspaper. When is the last time you have gotten lost in a good book. Wouldn't it be lovely to enjoy a picnic on a warm spring day with the company of someone you adore at the park without having to watch every move every child takes. Feeling the sun warm your skin, the scent of fresh flowers floating in the air, the calming waves of the ocean, the lake, a river, or a babbling brook near by. Wouldn't it be nice to just close your eyes and take a deep breath of that delightful fresh air! Breathing in those glorious scents as we rock back and forth in an Adirondack chair enjoying a soft breeze and the companionship of lovely friends and family. The time flies by as we sit and rock without obsessing over the many tentions throw our way. Before we know it the day has turned to night. Thankfully, we are still comforted by the beautiful spring night, the enchanting conversation beneath the twinkling starts. In that moment, we allow our worries to fade away for an instant and we entitle ourselves to a short instance of serenity. Those moments are all too rare. Don't forget to savor them, hold them close, and store them in your memory for those days when you feel as those you can no longer hold on to the life you're living. No "rut" is too deep to dig out of, especially if you're willing to ask for help when you need it. It's those significant times in your life that will give you the strength to pull yourself through even the darkest of hours.

I have had to call on many of those memories lately. The minute I am about to lose hope. I'm talking seconds away from "rock bottom", the tables have turned(or at least shifted), and I am given my second, third, fourth, etc ounce of hope again. My faith in humanity gets restored, even if only for a while. I have no explaination for it, no rhyme or reason, just pure dumb luck. Without it I would have been gone years ago. "Sure as shit". Please excuse my language, but I would have never made it to 30 years old. That's for sure. Either someone wants to see me suffer through this life, or my Grams, Gramps, my aunt Sister Pat, and those whom have passed before me are "pulling the strings" up there and keeping me on my "game". They must see something in me I haven't been able to see in a long time now. My family has always been a bunch a tough "old birds". It's not easy to take one of us down! I won't back down. I've said it before, so I might as well say it again. I'm gonna go down swinging! Never without a fight!

So many supporters from all over the nation/world have offered me encouragement. What kind of coward would I be if I let all of those people down? I cannot, and I will not do it. I am so unbelievably grateful that I have a match lined up for my bone marrow/step cell transplant. I hope and pray I will be able to get the funding required to begin the process of procedures needed before my health deteriorates further. If my condition worsens, who knows what the outcome may be. It my be beyond the point of repair. Between all of my current medical bills, the pre-procedure costs, the transplant, and post procedure care...the numbers are alarming!!!! It's terrifying! I had absolutely no clue how much of an epidemic this has become in America. Too many people die because they cannot afford the care they need! Too many people get disability when they don't truly need it, and people like me suffer without any form of financial aid! It makes my stomach churn! We are familiar with the costs and uncertainties of healthcare and medical costs. Everyday there is another hurdle to overcome, another hospital/doctor's office bill and they all become more frightening than the day before! The laws are ever-changing and the fine print gets longer and longer. More rules and regulations and many more hurdles to jump. With all of my current medical bills, the pre-procedure costs, the transplant, and post procedure care...the numbers are alarming!!!! It's terrifying! I honestly don't know if I find a facility, funding, etc if it will be a success for not. Nothing in life is guaranteed, especially when it comes to healthcare. My husband and I don't have that kind of money to gamble with. We cannot keep relying on family and we cannot have fundraisers constantly. I hate feeling like a charity case, but my options are very limited. It makes me feel very weak and a kind of like a loser.

The most difficult part about dealing with a serious illness is the isolation. Not many people want to "hang out", or "party" with a cancer patient. It's even more difficult now being 1,000 away from my husband. I currently need 24 care because of my serious aniema condition and my the spread of my cancer. We are also visiting other multiple hospital and cancer centers to find the best place for my treatment. If I do find the proper facility in the Midwest, it will keep me away from my husband and the home we built the together even longer. I'm not sure I can do that, but living off of only one income that is our only option. I never knew I could miss someone so much. I miss my little family(Jeff, Milo & Buckley)it hurts! Cancer hurts, but it doesn't compare to the heart break of being away from my boys.

The things I miss the most:
   - Holding my Husband's hand

   - The fact that he let me hug him as long as I need/want to
   - Falling a sleeping in my hubby's arms
   - Dancing to "our" song randomly in the kitchen, or living room
   - Going on "dates"
   - Feeling powerful, not powerless

   - His loyalty

   - His unwavering love

   - His huge heart

   - They fact that he thinks my "crazy side" of my personality is cute & fun

Cancer changes every aspect of your life physically and emotionally.  Some days it's difficult to get out of bed, others you just have to take one day-at-time. It's the little thinks that bring happiness. The smallest gesture can change the mood of an entire day. Having someone there to hold your hand or give you a hug when there are no words to be said. The hug, or a friendly caring touch says it all.

God Bless My Hometown

Strength is no longer a term I take lightly. The dictionary defines strength as; 

1. the quality or state of being strong; 
    bodily or muscular power; vigor.   
2. mental power, force, or vigor.

I define strength as something much more. Strength comes from within and becomes all encompassing. It becomes like another sense. It takes over without any provocation, but it only lasts so long before it too begins to weaken. The fear paralyzes the strength. It's terrifying. All I can do now is take life one of day at a time. Some days are worse than others. I hope I can hold on long enough to get the treatment I need. I can't deny that I'm scared. Each day gets harder. I'm blessed to have friends and family in my life to lean on for strength I no longer have. I need it now more than ever.

*The following is an article written by an amazing journalist Amanda Lutey associated with the local news publication in my hometown. I am honored to share it on my blog.*

**Special shoutout to Emily West for all the work she put into getting this article published and setting up the fundraiser! Thanks Em!**

A woman fighting cancer is staying with her family in Beaver Dam while waiting for the opportunity to get a bone marrow and stem cell transplant.

Megan (Farrell) Kleinman said since she began having health issues, she has been to more than 25 hospitals and cancer centers, has had more than 60 surgeries or procedures and been treated by more than 100 doctors.

Born and raised in Beaver Dam, the daughter of Kevin and Sandy Farrell and the sister of Danielle, Kleinman attended Washington Elementary School, Beaver Dam Middle School and graduated from Beaver Dam High School in 2003. She attended Northern Michigan University in Marquette, Mich., for two years before transferring to Northern Illinois University in Dekalb, Ill., where she earned a bachelor’s degree in English literature and communications.

Kleinman said her health concerns began while still a senior in high school when she had her gallbladder removed in March 2003. In January 2004, she received a diagnosis of endometriosis. It is a condition where the tissue that forms the lining of the uterus grows outside of the uterine cavity, which causes pelvic pain and menstrual irregularities. In March 2004, she had her appendix removed.

After college, Kleinman said her health problems continued – with worsening symptoms but no answers from doctors.

“I was getting shuttled from one doctor to the next,” Kleinman wrote. “By 2008 I had no clear diagnosis and I had a couple deaths in my family that were unexpected. I was at a breaking point. I knew I needed a change, so I decided in one day I was going to move across the country.”

A week later, she packed her car and moved to Arizona, after securing a transfer from her job in retail.

“I really didn’t know anyone in Arizona,” Kleinman wrote. “I had one friend out there from high school. I just felt numb in the beginning. I was just going through the motions but not really living. That all changed when I landed a dream job. I was hired at a nanny agency to help place nannies with families. I loved it because I was able to work with both the nannies and the families. I got to have relationships with both groups. I also revamped the website and was putting my degree to use. I was on track to becoming a partner in the company. I had a wonderful relationship with the owner of the company. We became fast friends.”

Her friend introduced Kleinman to the man who would become her husband.

Things were looking up, but she was still experiencing health issues.

“I tried my best to ignore them. I hoped they would resolve themselves,” Kleinman wrote. “I was ready to be happy and prosperous again. My job was heading in a fantastic direction and I had met an amazing guy. I thought my luck was changing.”

Not even one year after landing her perfect job, and only two months into dating Jeff, whom she calls the man of her dreams, Kleinman was diagnosed with cervical cancer in April 2009.

Doctors changed the diagnosis to endometrial cancer. Kleinman went through multiple rounds of chemo and radiation and underwent a full hysterectomy in May 2010, followed by more radiation.

The cancer continued to spread, complicated by infections, problems with scar tissue and anemia.

“I have soft tissue sarcoma, parathyroid lesions and aplastic anemia,” Kleinman wrote.

Kleinman said her parents, sister and brother-in-law have gone above and beyond to help her financially and emotionally.

“I am extremely lucky to have an incredibly supportive family, and that the amazing guy I was dating when I got diagnosed stuck around,” Kleinman wrote. “I was sure he would walk away. I practically told him to, but he never left my side. In fact, he married me.”

The couple will celebrate their sixth anniversary in September.

“He works tirelessly just so we can pay our bills. My parents have taken on second jobs when they should be retiring so they can help with my medical bills,” Kleinman wrote. “My sister has organized a few fundraisers over the years to help pay for medical bills and procedures/surgeries I’ve needed. We are still buried in bills.”

Her friend, Emily West, who also graduated from BDHS, organized a pop-up shop as a Chloe + Isabel merchandiser and is donating 100 percent of her commission to help Megan.

“It’s people like Emily that give you the hope to keep fighting,” Kleinman wrote. “Emily and I have know each other since we’ve been around 12 years old. No matter how close, or far apart we have lived, we have always stayed in touch. She is a beautiful person both inside and out.”

Kleinman has been in Wisconsin, staying with her parents in Beaver Dam since a few days before Christmas.

“My health has put me in a position in which it is dangerous for me to be home alone. I often faint due to blood loss,” Kleinman wrote. “I have so much swelling due to the lesions in my throat I have a lot of trouble swallowing. I choke on the medications I need to take daily. Since I’ve been home, my dad has had perform the Heimlich maneuver four times.”

She will return to her home in New York with her husband soon. Kleinman has been waiting two years for a bone marrow transplant. She said her donor match is the doctor who first diagnosed her in Arizona.

“He is retired now and lives in Colorado, but we have maintained a friendship over the years. He’s a great man. I don’t have any grandparents left living, so he is not only a former doctor, and a friend,” Kleinman wrote. “He’s like family to me.”

Kleinman said they need to pay down some of their current bills before going forward with the transplant, because her insurance will only cover half the cost. She worries, because if her body rejects the transplant, the insurance will cover none of the transplant costs.

Kleinman maintains a blog and offers advice to others there.

“Don’t let life pass you by. Don’t assume you’ll have one more day. Stop pushing back all of the things you’ve been waiting to do. Embrace life while you still can. I know that I regret not doing more while I was in better health,” Kleinman wrote.

West opens pop-up shop in March

Emily West, who graduated from BDHS with Megan in 2003, is helping raise funds for Megan through an online boutique.

After graduating from BDHS, Emily graduated from Marian College with a bachelor’s degree in business administration in accounting, economics and finance. She went to work in Milwaukee as a mutual fund accountant, but joined the Navy after the market crashed in 2009.  She served in the Navy until last August, and then moved to her husband’s hometown of Hailey, Idaho.

“I decided to become a merchandiser for Chloe and Isabel in February because I wanted to have a way to financially contribute to those in need,” West wrote.

West typically donates 50 percent of her commissions, but is donating 100 percent in March to help Megan with her medical expenses.

“Megan has been a true source of inspiration for me - her strength, courage, tenacity, and continued positivity in the face of her extremely unfortunate circumstances,” West wrote. 

West said March is customer appreciation month, so customers who spend $200 will receive a $50 credit for future purchases.

To shop this month and help Megan, visit https://www.chloeandisabel.com/boutique/emilywest.

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